Ask Lola Answers: Infertility, governor, husbandses, and the like.

Anonymous said...

How did you deal with the "longing" and emotions of infertility before your sweet angel #2? You've probably talked about it on here, but I am only a sometimes blogger and probably missed it.

How did I deal? Um, not well, I'm sad to say! But I don't know that anyone ever does. I think one of the best things I did was write about what I was feeling on this blog. I know that a lot of people hole up, shut everyone out, and suffer alone, but, while I totally respect their right to do so, that type of method never made any sense to me. Certainly doesn't fit my personality anyway (surprise, surprise!) When you are longing for a sweet little spirit to join your family, there is really very little you can do to ease the pain. It is horrible. I tried to avoid people who said "I hate being pregnant!" or "You are so lucky you just have ONE!" and created a core support group of friends and loved ones who "got it." I also vented in a less then gracious tone right here on this blog, and you what? People I didn't even know (and many who I did) wrote back and let me know that I wasn't alone. And that definitely helped. I also (about 2 years in) got to a breaking point where I absolutely had to "Let go and let God" (well, that or go completely insane) and so I did. And WOW, what a relief. The pain didn't go away, but it lessened considerably, and I only had to remind myself of what I already knew. And that was: God loves me. He has a plan for me. He doesn't like to see me suffer, but like any good parent, is willing to step back for awhile and let me grow stronger through adversity.

Anonymous said...

I asked this before, but didn't get an answer. My friend's husband is SO ANNOYING! He thinks he's funny, but he's not, and he talks so loud over everyone. We don't invite them to go out anymore because he is miserable to be around, and the wost part is, she thinks he is just great!

Do I tell her how I feel, or just keep it to myself?

This one is easy. Do you value the friendship? If you value your friendship, don't say a single WORD about your dislike for her husband! I think that my husband is the greatest thing since sliced bread. He is officially the one and only friend that truly matters above all others. I made that decision the day that I married him. That's not to say that I don't have friends that I ADORE. I have the kind of friends that I would throw myself in front of a speeding bus for (though I can't reasonably give you a scenario in which this particular action would be necessary...not right off-hand, anyway). But I don't think even ONE of those friendships would survive if she berated my husband right to my face (or behind my back, for that matter).

I'm sure my hub has some flaws... He's human, he must. But I personally would be at a loss to tell you what they are, and I probably wouldn't believe you if you took it upon yourself to tell me! I would just think you were crazy... and mean... and you would quickly find that I was not returning your calls or inviting you to the movies, or sushi, or what have you. Because the bad things you said about my husband would be ringing in my ears every time I saw you, and that's something that no wife who loves her husband would want to deal with.

You SHOULD cut him out of the picture, however. Go on "girl's nights" with your friend, and politely decline when asked to go out a couples. I have a lot of great friends who have husbands (who I"m sure are truly wonderful) who I don't even know! So, definitely avoid him, but don't come clean about your true feelings. No good would come of it. Oh, and in the event that your answer to my initial question was "No, I don't value the friendship at all, whatsoever." Then by all means, let it rip! (And DO let me know how it goes ;)

Anonymous said...

How did you meet your hubby? How did you know he was, you know, "The One"?

Ha ha! The short answer is: He was break dancing (you know, sinning on his head and doing windmills and stuff?) in the hall of flags at UVU. I walked by, rolled my eyes and thought "What a bunch of delinquent, ridiculous show offs." Then my roommate stopped and started talking to his roommate (they knew each other from high school) and she gave them our apartment info and they started coming by. I was busy dating an emotionally abusive bum-hole jerk guy at the time, so I wasn't "looking" for a special someone at the moment, so we just became friends. About a week after hanging out with my new friend, I permanently ditched the jerk, and started hanging out with my new friend all the time. I don't know exactly how I knew, but after that first week, I wrote in my journal that I thought I would marry him. Pretty crazy.

But I don't think I knew he was "The One" until we got engaged, I called off the engagement, and he decided he didn't want to see me anymore. I had never been in love before. In fact, I had never even come CLOSE. I don't even think I really liked guys... ever. So how could I know if what I was feeling for Kyle was really love? Well, two LONG and "Kyle-free" weeks later, I had lost 18 pounds, flunked out of half of my classes, and was fairly certain that I was well on my way to actually dying of a broken heart. ...So, I took a wild guess and came to the conclusion that all of this must mean that I loved him. I tried to date, but pretty much hated everyone for not being Kyle. (Yeah, um, sorry about that, guys, it was pretty much super rude of me to try to move on at your expense, but I didn't know any better at the time.)

One day, Kyle showed up on my doorstep out of the blue, and I didn't even say anything. I just hugged him and started bawling. Then he took me to the Olive Garden (awesome, I know). Then we were inseparable. Then we got married.

Anonymous said...

Who do you want to be Utah's next governor?

Ugh! Politics. I DID say that anything goes, so here is my answer:

I am not a Republican. I am not a Democrat. I think both parties are hopelessly corrupted, flawed, and in desperate need of some good, old fashioned integrity. (Ha ha - I'm both funny AND delusional - go me!) That being said, I will admit that my political views tend to lean toward those of the republican party much of the time. (Pro-life, less government, more "Of the people*by the people*for the people ...and such)

In regard to the race for governor, all I have to say is this:
Peter Corroon is sort of a moron... (harsh, I know, but true.)

I think my feelings would best be summed up in a letter.
A Lola Letter, if you will.

Dear Pete,
(Can I call you Pete?)
A little advice.
The next time you run for governor, I would recommend spending more time showing people what you have to offer as Utah's next governor and less time slandering your opponent. I would recommend this for four reasons:

1. When you spend all of your time talking crap about other people, it tends to send the message that you, yourself don't have anything to offer. You therefore have to divert attention away from your own ineptitude by slinging mud (really skewed, dirty mud) at your opponent. This does not bode well for you.

2. When you spend all of your time talking crap about other people, you tend to remind everyone (democrats, republicans, liberals, you name 'em) of that bum-hole-ish jerk from high school who spread rumors about them that weren't true. And nobody likes that bum-hole-ish jerk from high school who spread rumors about them that weren't true.

3. When you spend all of your time talking crap about other people, namely, your opponent, Gary Herbert, and your opponent DOESN'T RETALIATE by talking crap about you, it makes your opponent look like he is WWJD-ing it up like nobody's business. So, not only have you become the bum-hole-ish jerk from high school, you have also managed to (quite miraculously, in my opinion) make another politician look like Jesus...or at least someone who exemplifies him by turning the other cheek. What a favor you have done him!

4. When I am trying to get my morning Regis and Kelly on, and I have had to watch your ridiculous, condescending, slanderous commercial at least twenty times before Regis has mispronounced the name of his third celebrity guest and/or called Kelly "Kathie-lee" for the tenth time, I am ready to throttle you. If you're such a huge proponent of "more funding for education", why don't you put your money where your mouth is, take the millions of dollars you're spending to slander someone else, and give it to the poor little children of Utah that you're so generously exploiting in your commercials? How's that for an idea? You can thank me later.

Much Love,
Lola

(Hey, you asked...)