"I really really want to eat your face - right now."
"Something reeks in here."
"I must have missed the part in the book where Stephenie Meyer said that Edward is the hottest, pimpest, suavest, smoothest operator that ever lived. When they said I was playing "Edward" I figured that they were doing some sort of sequel to Edward Scissor Hands, so I kinda took it in that direction... ooops."
LAURA SAYS:...okay okay, now don't get too worked up, ladies. I am about to admit that he pulled it together in the end, and when they stopped caking his face with mime/clown/goth make-up -about 45 excruciating minutes into it - I must admit he looked considerably "more hot." (Not KYLE hot by any means, but considerably hotter than he looked during the first 45...)
"I have to eat you RIGHT NOW (or go number two RIGHT NOW...I'm not really sure which it is...) Look at my face, do I have to bite someone...or go number two? Just look at me. The expression on my face should say it all. It will tell you everything you need to know about my current emotional state."
"I know I should have told the hair and make-up people to back off... but I just thought they were so courageous to leave the comfort of their mom's basement and try something that they'd never tried before...I just didn't want to crush their hopes and dreams before they'd really had a chance to take flight, ya know?"
"I don't mind being a pale, girlie, freakish guinea pig, and I don't mind looking like a blonde, constipated Edward Scissor Hands...isn't that the point? The hero IS Edward after all, and I am HIS BROTHER."
"I am like, totally bitter and peeved at EVERYONE cause I'm hot and edgy and can break glass bowls with my bare hands."
"I also use my family's bajillions to buy top of the line Hello Kitty Stripper Heels at Hot Topic like, WHENEVER I feel like it!"
(cheese makes me all sorts of gag-y)
Why did I go?
Why did they cast...ANY of them?
(okay, minus....Charlie. That's it. Oh and Jessica too - HI-LARIOUS!)
Why didn't I wait for the dollar theatre?
Why did I see it...WELL...ever - and risk tainting my obsessive imaginings of the TRUE Bella and Edward?
Why is Stephenie Meyer pretending to be cool with "Summit Entertainment" turning her masterpiece into a Lifetime Original Movie?
Why didn't I go see Quantum of Solace instead and spend two blissful hours drooling over the real-est, hott-est, BOND-i-est BOND to ever come into existence?
It was only $8.50...
That I could have sent to Africa to feed a household for six months...
Thanks a lot Summit.
This is my "oh well" face.
This is my "it's okay" face.
This is my... well... you get the idea.
1. I had a fantastic night (the blue crab cakes at CPK are TO DIE people!)
Ashee-poo and Kass are LOVELY.
2. When you get past the horrendous hair/make-up/styling/amateurish camera angling/direction/not staying true to the book-i-ness of the film - it wasn't so bad!
3. My world has not, in reality, crumbled down around me as a result of the overall poopiness of this film. Now, if Quantum of Solace disappoints (ha! not likely!) that may be another story...
4. I had fun.
5. I am SO going to go see New Moon in all it's horrific badness. Maybe after Bella and Edward read my critiques, (I hear that they are completely obsessed with my blog) they'll totally fix a few (or a million) things before they ruin, I mean, film New Moon. That would be nice. But, you know actors - so much ego. They'll probably just "do it their way" again. But I figure hey, Bella has positively NO EMOTION - so why should I? I'm cool with it. Really.