Monday, September 26, 2011

Dear Lola,

You know how you started "over-doing" it in August, and you were sleeping, like, 5 hours a night, and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off like, 19 hours a day, and eating junky food sporadically, or not eating anything at all, and you know how this behavior ran down our immune system and allowed for a pesky little leftover chunk of the chicken pox virus that we got 20 years ago {which then set up shop in a branch of our nervous system at the base of our spine} to flourish, and grow, and turn itself into a full-blown bout of "shingles"?

Remember that?

Yeah well, that was no fun. But we got through it.

But then, you know how you didn't change anything about the the way we were living, and how you kept on burning the candle at both ends, and then how you decided to just chuck the proverbial candle into the proverbial fire and burn it  down to nothing, assuming that our immune system would just let us abuse it mercilessly and that there wouldn't be any consequences?

Yeah, well. That was stupid of you.
And frankly, I'm sick of it.
And in the famed words of the 80s mega band Twisted Sister, we're not gonna take...anymore.

So get your crap together, lest we become a shingles-ridden leper for the rest of our known existences.

Your Body

Dear Pharmacy Tech Girl Who Filled My Prescription,

You know how, the other day, I came in there to pick up a prescription, and

I was like: "Hi, I'm here to pick up a prescription for Laura Dugovic."
And you were like: "Okay,"
And then you went back to grab it and then you brought it out,
And then you were like: "For the Valtrex?"
And I was like : "Yeah."

{But then in my head I was like, Valtrex? Where have I heard that name before? Sounds sketchy... Hm.Oh wait, is that...wait, no, it can't be...NO! The HERPES pill? The pill for fracking Genital Herpes!?! The one with the commercial filled with happy people going about life and having a ball canoeing and such because their genital herpes was all sorts of contained and under control thanks to Valtrex... THAT Valtrex!?!}

{And then in my head I thought: Oh no. Shingles IS a form of Herpes. Not GENITAL herpes, but herpes none-the-less. It's called Herpes Zosta.So I guess if Valtrex treats all kinds of Herpes, it also treats Herpes Zosta. Hm.}

Mind you, this all went through my head in roughly 2.3 seconds.

Cause brains think really fast.

So you know how then I got all weird on you and was like,

"Yeah, I was just at the doctors and he said I got SHINGLES from having too much STRESS. I guess I really need to slow down!"

And you know how I said this at the volume of someone standing underneath the choppers of a helicopter that is taking off? {Ak--ward!}

Yeah, well, that was just to make sure that everyone in our little neighborhood pharmacy who heard "Valtrex" would know that I didn't have genital herpes. "Not that there's anything wrong with that." {In the famed words of Jerry Seinfeld }

Um, so, sorry if that got a little weird there at the end.


Dear Self,

The next time you get shingles {and Ohhhhh, there BETTER NOT BE A STINKING NEXT TIME!!!} Please do yourself a favor and fill your prescription at the drive thru window at Walgreens while wearing the biggest pair of sunglasses you own... and driving a borrowed vehicle...just for good measure... and NOT at your favorite local drugstore where you and your family go out for FHE ice cream and in the famed words of the long-running, hit television show "Cheers," everybody knows your n-a-a-a-a-me.



So, today I am in bed trying to sleep off some shingles... what are YOU doing today? The girls at cg wanna know, so link up and share your slice of the world!


Lisa Lou said...

I'm laughing with you, cause I can totally relate. I used to break out into shingles on my lips/nose all the damn time in my 20's when I got stressed. And seriously why do the need to say what you're picking up outloud?
shush people!
And yes, you very much need to take care of yourself and slow down :)

Life with Kaishon said...

Only you Lola, only you!!!!! Hope you are getting lots of rest.

tinajo said...

Haha - oh my goodness, you made me laugh my butt off with this post! :-D

I can´t even say how relieved I am that more people have strange conversations with themselves. Makes me feel almost normal. :-D

(Now; if you have strange conversations with animals too, I´ll feel REALLY normal)! ;-)

Avie said...

Oh you poor, poor thing. Shingles is nasty - I hope you're beginning to feel better. Take it easy! x

Buckeroomama said...

Ack, that totally sucks, Lola. I hope they go away soon!

May said...

Dear Lola,
I hope you get better soon!!! Take care...