Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Breakfast of Champions

Kort has begged {for a rather long time now} to eat breakfast at school.
I ALWAYS say no.

This is one part because I don't want to pay $1.25 for it, and 3 parts because I don't think that America's schools are all that skilled at putting together nutritional meals for their students.

Case in point?

A corn dog {yeah, you read that right, a CORN DOG - a.k.a breaded, deep-fried cancer stick} is the meal replacement option at lunch EVERYDAY. That's right. This means that if my kid doesn't want to eat lasagna and green beans, or turkey and mashed potatoes on any given day... he can ALWAYS opt to eat a corn dog instead. Yup. Always. I didn't even know that was an option until sometime last year when one of Kort's buddies let it slip that Kort was eating a corn dog every. single. day. and had done so for WEEKS on end.

{And yes, if he develops cancer in the next decade, you best believe that the Utah School District will have a class action suit on their hands. Who on earth let's a FIRST grader choose between something marginally healthy and something completely unhealthy on a daily basis. REALLY, school system? Really?}

So yeah, when it comes down to me trusting the school district to have any idea as to what they are doing in the nutrition department...

Well, I just don't.
Simple as that.

Another great reason to opt out of school breakfast is that we really try to keep Kort's sugar intake at ZERO before sending him off to school, because let's face it: He is the last kid on earth who needs any extra energy heading into a school setting. I adore his teacher. I really don't want to do mean things to her, and sending a sugared up Kortland twitching, babbling, and squealing into her classroom each day would qualify as just that. Meany, mean mean..

So, Kort eats a breakfast burrito every morning. Lots of protein in the eggs, and little bit of carb in the fresh tortilla, some veggie-ness curteousy of the salsa... you know, a GOOD, basic meal. He drinks milk and sometimes eats a lil' California Cutie orange, and we call it good.

Well, I had a weird night last night, so the hubs hopped up and took over this morning so I could sleep. {What a peach.} He got Kort totally ready and was going to cook him some eggs {his daddy specialty} but Kort balks.

He wants a breakfast burrito.
Dad can't make breakfast burritos.
Well he wants one anyway.
Dad says no.
Kort says "It's soooo easy!"
{And then proceeds to tell his dad how to do it - DUH!}
Dad says he can't.

{Aw, so nice to feel irreplaceable.
Thank heaven there's something that delicious hunk of man can't do,
I was starting to feel inferior...;)}

Dad has a light bulb moment.
Kort can go have breakfast at school today!
{We DID tell him that
"maybe once"
he could go do breakfast at school.
So now was as good a time as any.}

When dad offered, Kort's head nearly exploded from the joy of it all, and he ran screaming from the house so as to have as much cafeteria time as humanly possible before school started.

Wanna know what he had for breakfast today?
{He gave me the run down after school:}

He had cereal.
This Kind:

And heaven forbid he use plain old white milk on his mini box of sugary delights. No, no, that simply won't do. His milk should match the cereal {duh}. It clearly has to be chocolate. So that's precisely what he used.

And as if all that wasn't bad enough, he chased it down with this lil' number:

Are ya KIDDING me school system?

Churros are carnival treats.
They are for children at the circus...or the state fair.
They fall into a category with funnel cakes, mini doughnuts, and deep fried twinkies.
On what planet is a churro a breakfast food!!!???

{I'll tell you what planet:
A planet I would like to dwell upon.
A planet where I would also likely be made queen of all churro-eating things
because I would tame them with the magic trick of eating 20 churros in a row,
and not even batting an eye because I love me some dang churros.}

But we're not talking about me
{or my less than moderate/healthy/balanced churro scarfing tendencies...}.
We are talking about a second grader.
A second grader people!
MY second grader, to be exact.
And this simply will not do.

Well, I sure hope Kort enjoyed his school breakfast,
{and I have no doubt that he did.}
cause it will be his last.

In all fairness,  I might just be jealous of his churro.
Hm, wonder if there's a "bring your parent to school breakfast" in the next few weeks...


Leslie said...

We have the exact same nutritional problems here. But we have 2 differences. Once a week lunch is catered by Dominos Pizza with a side of canned sugar peaches covered in cinnamon and an oreo cookie. The second difference we pay a whooping $3.50 for a 1st graders lunch. Needless to say I am an expert home lunch maker :)

Natalie said...

However, he did get the chocolate milk on the cereal idea from the best, his Dad! I had never heard of it or thought of it until Kyle joined our family and shared his creative breakfast ideas (long before he had an impressionable toddler) ♥ Churros...I'm in complete awe, I would love to have been in that planning meeting to see who exactly suggested it to be added to the breakfast menu, and how old they were?!

sostinkinhappy said...


Our school district here in VA has a system that allows ma & pa to log on and see what they kid has been picking for lunch. That's when I discovered my son had been eating pizza and a "slushie" EVERY SINGLE DAY for months on end. "But mom, the slushie says it has fruit in it!" "But son, food can't talk and if it could, I think it would be telling you it is a fruit-like substance and not REAL fruit at all!"

Now we pack lunch. Correction: HE packs his lunch.

Formerly known as Frau said...

Lola Costco has Churros if you need a fix! I only go to buy school lunch once in my life and I always remember the day my Mom said yes! It's was on a Catholic holiday and a no meat day so I got Tomato Soup and saltines!
My daughter gets eggs everyday and small amount of cereal. Never buy school lunch what's the point they never are healthy.

Lindsay said...

I think I want to go to Kort's school. This post was hilarious! And I wouldn't mind living at your house and having a breakfast burrito every morning....yummy.

Sarah said...

Um, YUM for the breakfast burritos! This made me laugh...I completely agree with you on every single point, but it still made me laugh :)

Jen Nelson said...

WHAT?! Fail.

Oh my gosh I am already panicking over school "lunch"! Cocoa puffs with chocolate milk is horrid enough but then they serve churros? (says the person that just ate buttered banana bread and a diet coke for dinner - but totally beside the point.) There will be nothing but packed lunches around these parts!

imemary said...

Ha ha ha, secret corn dogs every day!

VolleyMom said...

Where's Kortland? 2 blogs about him and NOOOOO pictures. I know he likes to pose, so get on it!!! oh, and you can include the cutie baby too, I don't mind seeing his cute face.

VolleyMom said...

Oh, you forgot to mention that there is a 3rd option at the school, it is yogurt, yup, yogurt just yogert. My boy was getting that. So I was thinking...1.75 for school lunch and he gets a flippin' yogurt and comes home starving at 3pm. AGH!!! Not a good deal. So we too pack EVERY SINGLE LUNCH. Oh, the joy of the school system food circuit.

LMS said...

I feel bad for the ginormous jaw breaker now

Ashley Koz said...

I believe this is the exact reason my mom brown bagged my lunch for 9 years, bless her for that. That's pretty disturbing stuff. I guess at the end of the day they are running a business and crap food is cheap.

Heather said...

Wow, this is so funny! I can't get over the churro. Hilarious! I'm glad we do home lunch as well, that's much better!
I'd love to hear how Kort did in school that day. :) Thanks for the laughs!