Saturday, February 7, 2009

welcome to my roller coaster, i hope you enjoy the ride.

So today started out something like this:
and then i attended a meeting with a gaggle of girls that i completely love, and had a really great time complete with several "ah ha" moments and a delicious lunch provided by Paradise Bakery and Cafe.
So, we were off to a great start.
Then the day got really bad. (as in, really bad... and no, i don't really want to talk about it...we'll just leave it at bad. Oh, and I will also say that Kyle and I are happy and in love, my health is wonderful (as is the health of my husband and son), and technically, i have nothing to complain about, so don't worry yourselves sick or get drunk off of all of the tantalizing speculation that usually accompanies someone else's vague description of their terrible, horrible, no good , very bad day, it's just one of "those" days. Worry not.
no fun!
So, I'm driving home from Cedar Hills with an upset 5 year old in the back seat (he was being naughty all morning - which was part of it) and i remember that i need to drop off some pictures to my aunt. So i stop there, load my naughty 5 year old (who i had scolded and then cried in front of - bad mommy) out of the van and he proceeds to wreak havoc on my cousin jen's yard while we talk for a minute. He comes up to me a few moments later and says:
"Mom, these are for you."
and he hands me this:
and i want to break down crying all over again.
Isn't it funny, that as mothers, our greatest challenges are also our greatest blessings? i don't know what i would do without this beautiful, smart, determined little boy. He is my reason for living (and also my reason for wanting to tear my hair out, scream at the top of my lungs, and climb into bed and pull the covers over my head.)
Some days, i know that he is the only reason i am sane at all, and other days, when my sanity is hanging by a thread, along comes kortland with his favorite pair of blue-handled, childproof scissors and... snip.
bye bye sanity...
and yep, you guessed it...
hello bed
and hello "i quit, (insert applicable day her) i quit."
i took this picture of him right after i finished taking a picture of the flowers he had given me. he is so, so, so sweet.
by the way, after crying in front of my own son, i hugged and kissed him (like, a thousand times) and told him that i wasn't crying because of him (because i really wasn't) and i told him that i loved him more than anything else in the world and that he didn't make me sad, he makes me so happy that sometimes i think my heart is going to explode all over my insides (he liked that) and then i took him to 7eleven (the same one where i always went to get treats when i was his age) and bought him a Nerds Rope and Bubble Tape (which he officially thinks is the coolest thing in the world. What kind of mom am i anyway? My F.I.V.E.-year-old hasn't had his own case of Bubble Tape up until today? Blasphemy. What a slacker.) and that eased my conscience considerably. Fortunately, at my meeting today, there was discussion of attitude, and i completely agree that, no matter what life hands you, YOU (and only you) have the power to decide how you will respond. Will you feel sorry for yourself and give up?
I mean, no!
I mean, sometimes, but hopefully not very often...?)
OR will you keep a positive outlook and make the most of what you've been dished?
(Yes! I mean, I hope so. I mean, that' s the kind of person I'm striving to be...)
So today, in the midst of a lot of self-pity and sorrow, i'm going to go ahead and write an "i'm thankful for" list just so i can tell this persistent shadow of ick that's been following me around to get lost once and for all (or for the rest of today, at least.)
i'm thankful for:
an amazing husband who loves every single part of me. The good parts, the sad parts, the sassy parts, the joyful parts, the irrational, highly emotional parts...every single part. i still don't know why i get to have him, and i don't know if i'll ever know or fully understand why.
a beautiful little boy.
good parents.
great dogs
wonderful friends
kay, so my friend Karen was at the meeting today, and when i walked over to sit in the row next to her, she handed me a freaking awesome, brand new pedometer! It's a long story, but we finally got the chance to hang out and shop and chat at BEBE SPORT in Las Vegas, and she got a free pedometer. Well, i teased the the girl at the counter saying that i should get one too because Karen bought twice as much stuff as you'd have to buy to get the free pedometer. (i was totally kidding) Well, Karen didn't forget about it, and today when she saw me, she totally had one in hand! (yep, with my name on it baby! woo-hoo!) Ridiculous. What a thoughtful, fun, strong, beautiful person! love. her. i am so blessed to have such amazing women in my life. Karen is such a genuine, easy-going person and that little gesture totally made my day. i can't wait to find out how many steps i'm taking every day! (you're all going to be sick of hearing about it, i can tell ya that much!!!)
i'm also thankful for
and homes with heat
and garbage disposals
and washing machines
but mostly for beds
i could go on and on, but remembering these simple, beautiful blessings (and Karen's unexpected kindness) has already lifted my spirits, so i'm going to go ahead and hit publish, snuggle down into the covers, listen to kort and the little neighbor boy squeal with delight as they pummel each other on "Super Smash Brothers" and wait for the hubs to get home with a pork barbacoa salad from Cafe' Rio that, guess it, HAS MY NAME ON IT! Did I mention how much I love him? Oh, I did? Well, you can expect more of the same...for the rest of my blogging life.


Kiersten said...

A) I loved your 25 things. I so had a crush on Leonardo, and used to pretend I was April. Also, I had this toy called a Turtle Tot that was this baby turtle (its shell came off as a diaper bag, soooooo cool) and I would pretend it was our baby.

I guess I was a weird child.

B) Good for you for having a great attitude ; ) Sometimes I'm smart enough to figure out I can talk myself out of bad days. Most of the time not.

Janyece said...

Okay, this is so funny because I just had a dream last night that I got a pedometer and I was SO disappointed because when I checked it at the end of the day, I'd only walked roughly 5500 steps!

I think I need to take a cue from you and write my own gratitude list cause I also dreamed that I walked into my parent's house and it was all decorated for Christmas and I was so mad they'd done it without me! It sounds stupid, but it was a reflection of my mood over the last couple of days. Time to get over it. So I'll start by thanking you for being such a great person and friend! I'm also grateful for all those dreams I have.

SWIRL said...

I love this post! those are so precious those flowers your son gave you...
I can totally relate.. the frustration and gratitude all at the same time..