Monday, February 9, 2009

Ode to 5:20 a.m.

What is excitement?

It's getting up 10 minutes before the alarm goes off
and hours before the sun comes up.
It's kicking.
It's punching.
It's screaming "HI-YAH!"
from the center of my guts
at the top of my lungs
alongside 30 other powerful, committed women.

It's kicking when you don't feel like you have one kick left in you...
and then doing ten more...
and ten more after that.

It's quiting,
doubling over,
chest heaving,
lungs burning,
legs shaking.

It's closing your eyes,
remembering who you really are,
remembering the kind of person you want to be,
deciding that quitting is not an option,
and starting in again.

It's kicking.
It's punching.
It's screaming HI-YAH at the top of my lungs.
It's wanting to quit, (again)
but refusing to quit. (again)

It's hearing the music slow down.

It's knowing that class is over
and you stayed for the. whole. thing.

It's stretching tired, hot muscles
and thinking:
"I stayed for the whole thing!"

It's listening to your kick-butt instructor talk and laugh
about the naughty Sunday (and way too many calories)
she had yesterday.
My kickboxing instructor is
talented,
powerful,
driven,
and HUMAN too?
Yay Wendy! Thank heaven for that.

It's putting on my parka and thinking:
"I stayed for the whole thing!"

It's getting in my rained on, beat up car and thinking:
"I stayed for the whole thing!"

What is joy?
Well, joy is another thing entirely.

It's coming home to a warm house,
and hearing the happy tail of a certain, beloved Border Collie
thumping excitedly against the sides of her crate,
and knowing that that thumping is for you.

It's opening the scriptures
and feeling that warm, familiar friend
reminding your heart that your Savior lives
and knows you
and loves you
with a love that spans time
and is beyond anything that your mind can comprehend.
It's knowing that I am God's daughter,
and that nothing can ever add to
or take away from my infinite worth.

It's pulling a warm, sleepy 5 year old
from his way too high bunk bed
and cradling his skinny, jammied legs
in my arms and feeling him nestle his
head beneath my chin as I carry him
to the bowl of hot oatmeal that awaits him
in the dining room.

It's hearing a sleep-filled, scratchy voice sigh
"Mom, I love you."
And knowing that there's nowhere you'd rather be...
no accomplishment you'd rather achieve,
no title you'd rather hold
than that of mother.

Joy is having had all of these experiences
and felt all of these feelings...
and looking at the clock,
and seeing that it's only 7:45 a.m.

I'm 28 years old,
and I'm only just learning that
there is magic in the morning.

8 comments:

Ashley said...

I love love love this post! It's soooooo true! I too love waking up early and getting things done. I feel so unaccomplished when I sleep in. What a waste of a perfectly good morning!

Lisa Price said...

I really wished I posessed your motivation right now.

Lisa Price said...

the ability to spell would be awesome too!

Janyece said...

Beautiful post and beautiful testimony! I'm feeling the same way! I ran for 15min! (I know that sounds lame, but for me it's a real accomplishment!) And it was in conjunction with 30min of other exercises so it's not quite as bad as it sounds. Anyway, I really enjoyed this post!

Ashley Koz said...

LOVE THIS POST! I totally agree, the days I get up and go to a 6am class at the gym are my best days. And I almost lost it when you said "no accomplishment you'd rather achieve, no title you'd rather hold then that of mother" I feel SOOOOOOOOO blessed to have my little guy, there's nothing better in the world. Thanx for the uplifting post

Jen Nelson said...

I'm sorry... I didn't get past the time? 5:20 you say? What does that look like?

Actually, I'm totally jealous. I would love to get up that early. I'm just lazy. Every night I say I'm going to get up early and run... the only thing I do is hit my snooze button! Maybe tomorrow... ha ha ha!

Love you!

BRIAN AND BROOKE said...

WAY TO GO GIRL !!!! I Should start getting up early !

Kiersten said...

I loved this ; )