Dear Journal, {Circa April 9 & 10, 1995.}

{Modern Vogue Photography.}

{Tennyson's DARLING picture has nothing to do with the post, but I thought it needed a little somfin' somfin' extra}

{Welcome to Tell All Tuesday, yo!  These are excerpts from the journal I kept when I was fourteen. Nothing has been added to or taken away from the following entries:}

4.9.95

Dear Journal,

In a few weeks, I will be in the speech meet telling RETOLD STORIES!
I will be telling:
"Who Put the Pepper in the Pot?"
"Up Goes Mr. Downs"
and "The Cat's Pajamas"

Me and my brother Bryan (15) have had problems in the past, but now that we're getting older, we get along a lot better. I {heart} cheerleading so much. I have TONZ more to say, but that will have to wait until tomorrow.

{heart}
Laura

P.s. Bryan is a stud.

4.10.95

Dear Journal,

I have no idea why I ever say nice things about Bryan! I guess it's because he's so messed up! One minute he's a really nice brother, the next, he's a total jerk! I borrowed his plaid shirt today and he chewed me out, but when he takes my cd player without asking, it's no big deal! Tonight during family night he kept on being rude and making fun of me, but all my parents do is laugh cause it's so funny when he hurts my feelings! Then I'm sure that they'll come in and tell me that I'm being too sensitive and he's funny. Same old story. Well, it's not gonna happen this time cause my door is locked and my music is blasting.

Today was okay. I found out that a boy named Brandon Allen likes me. Well, I think that he's nice, but I don't want to have a boyfriend right now {or any time real soon!}

I just found out that we get to go to Park City  for 2 days, and I might even get a new dress for speech meet. I am singing in church on April 30th with my mom and I'm so excited..
I want to get these really cool hair extensions for my birthday cause I have thin hair.
I'll be sure to write everything about the trip.

{heart}
Laura
P.s. Bryan is a weenie. {mood swing.}

A few follow up letters 

{from 31 year old Lola}:

Dear Kurt Cobain, 

Thanks for the plaid shirt craze you sent us all into.
Pretty sure I milked that one a good 3-4 years after it was done for.

xo,
Lola

Dear Bryan,

Sorry I called you a weenie.

You'll go ahead and forgive me for being just a little bit excited for the day when Lily writes that Jack is a "weenan" in her journal though, won't you? Cause I am going to RELISH every second of that.

Oh, and sorry that I took your shirt without asking.

On an entirely different note, I'm also sorry that I bumped "Gangsta's Paradise" non-stop for the better part of a year. {I couldn't help that I was so gangsta.I am what I am.} However, that must have stunk considering our bedroom doors were all of three feet apart. I would have been a weenie to me too.

xo,
Lola

Dear 14 Year Old Lola,

I so love that you can at least acknowledge that you're a titch on the mood-swingy side. Spot on.

Also, I think I know where our son gets his ADD:
"I get a new dress. I'm going to Park City. I want hair extensions. I'm singing in church"

Yikes.
Get pills.
Get them now.

Xo,
31 Year Old Lola

P.s. LOVED the bit about your door being locked and your music being blast-y - 10 points for a statement perfectly RIFE with teenage angst-i-ness. You should be a writer for One Tree Hill or The Vampire Diaries or something. 

Dear Mom,

Just so you know, it was pretty much DEVASTATING that you refused to get those hair extensions for me. Because of you, Julie Duncan successfully stole, let me see, um EVERY boyfriend I had/guy that I liked from 8th through 11th grade. Those Emery County boys love them a thick, shiny head of hair...and you just WOULD NOT let me level the playing field with clip-in hair extensions for 5 easy payments of $19.99!

I hope you're happy.

Xo,
14 Year Old Lola

Dear Mom,

Thanks for teaching me that I should love myself the way that I am.
Got it.
{Well, most days...}

Xo,
31 Year Old Lola

Dear Julie Duncan,

I still like you.
It's not your fault that you have such great hair.
Water under the bridge if you ask me.

Xo,
31 Year Old AND 14 Year Old Lola

Dear Journal {circa June 30th 1995}

{Yeah, you heard me, TELL ALL TUESDAY IS BACK YO!!!!}

Well, I am to the point where I hate my family and dread the idea of ever going home! My mom thinks she can just make me do whatever she wants me to! I want to move out so bad! I wish that I could! I think that I'll set up a tent in my backyard and live there for the rest of the summer! I know it sounds immature, but at least I'd be away from the wicked witch for awhile! I seriously need to start writing my friends letters. They always write to me, and I always for get to write them back! I'm starting to figure out why I'm so mad at my mom! She's keeping me and Chanie apart with all of her stupid rules! Now, the connection with me and Chantel is unbreakable. If she got killed, I would either: 1) go insane and never go anywhere or talk again, or 2) I'd commit suicide.

{heart}

Laura

Dear Mom,

Hey, remember that one time when I was 14, and I said and really did mean things, and I was self absorbed, and catty, and also used WAY too many exclamation points? And remember when I would yell at you, and only see things from my point of view, and felt really sorry for myself even though you paid hundreds of dollars for me to do cheer, fed me three square meals a day, gave me my own {really pretty} bedroom with it's own vanity and sink in it, drove me anywhere I needed to go, and gave me spending money every weekend - even when I forgot/refused to clean the bathroom and pick up after myself?

Remember that?
Yeah, that was less than ideal.

Thanks for not selling me to the gypsies, or, I don't know, smothering me with a pillow in my sleep.{Cause honestly, you would have been justified.}

Way to keep your cool, woman.

Xo,
Your daughter.

Dear Chanie,

You know how it got really weird there at the end of that entry?
Yeah.
Um.
Sorry about that.
Um, so, yeah.

Hm.

Xo,
Lola

Dear 14 Year Old Lola,

You should be nicer to your mom.
Oh, and you should DEFINITELY think about using more exclamation points in your writing.
{It will come in handy later when you write really dramatic blog posts!!!!!!!}

Xo,
31 Year Old Lola