Monday, May 24, 2010

Dear May,

It's May!!!!!!!
Do you hear me?
You ARE May, shouldn't you (of all people) have at least SOME idea what that means? (You obviously don't, so I'll go ahead and tell you.) May means sunshine and flowers. It means bright, warm, beautiful field trips for school children who are so sick of math, reading, and being indoors that they could scream. (Kort's field trip was canceled last week, thanks to you. So yeah, let me just take this opportunity to say thanks. No fire station for him. No renewed appreciation for city workers for him. No picnic lunch in the park. No swings, or slides, or monkey bars. Thanks a lot, May.)
But it wasn't enough to simply ruin his field trip, now was it? No, you have to go and ruin the "fun run" too. How heartless can one month be, May? Honestly? You are giving January a run for his money. (Is it because it was called the fun run, and you just couldn't stand the idea of hundreds of little children having fun...while on a run? Is that it? I'll bet that's it. You are so cold. (Literally AND figuratively.) So COLD, May!!!!)
I got an email from the PTA President saying that the fun run was re-scheduled for Wednesday, because that's when the weather forecasters (a.k.a. world's biggest liars) said it would be nice and sunny...but then there was a conflict with that, and now I just got a new email saying that the fun run is CANCELED and not going to happen at all. NOT. AT. ALL. MAY!!! (I hope you're pleased with yourself, you smug, smug, liar you.)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go crawl back into bed and try not to think about how my son was in tears this morning and how the dogs are so depressed that they... okay, who am I kidding? The dogs are happy and content because, well...they are dogs and their happiness doesn't depend upon the weather.
I guess I could learn thing or two from them, but for now, I am just going to be mad at you, May. I don't think I will ever forgive you for this one. You are a jerk. Plain and simple. So there.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to ignore you, May. I'm going to curl up in bed with a good book and listen to the sweet serenade of "It's beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas" (which the hubs has been singing at the top of his lungs all morning, no joke) and I'm going to pretend you don't exist. You are dead to me, May. D.E.A.D.

So don't call. And don't write. But please, by all means, let June know that if he doesn't deliver some Sunshine and GOOD TIMES next month, I will personally take it upon myself to call President Obama and get the government involved in regulating the seasons...and you all know very well how nicely THAT would end. Watch yourself.

Disdainfully Yours,

P.s. Oh yeah, before I forget, Cybil called, and she said she wants her Multiple Personalities back!

(Oh snap! Take that, May!)


Barbaloot said...

The constant stream of angry rants in my head about the weather this morning has not been pleasant. Seriously-can I just have some sunshine?!

Heather said...

Amen! It's terrible! The kids' field day is supposed to be held tomorrow... what in the world? Snow in May?!

Life with Kaishon said...

I don't think you could be any funnier if you tried... : )

Sorry about the field trip!

Nikki said...

love you Laura! You are too funny. That is so Krazzzy it is snowing in May! The end of May actually. Hope your summer comes fast and stays through October!

Lindsay said...

It's so annoying. Parker is on a field trip at the zoo right now. Probably pouring rain/snow. May has been such a beast this year.

Frau said...

Crazy all day on FB my Utah family and friends have been posting pictures....Mother Nature and Utah's seasons.

Tezzie said...

Oh no...poor Kort!

I'm beginning to think we're on some kinda weather exchange program...when we had crazy snow here, you had sunshine...and now that the snow has moved over to your parts (apparently May also has a poor sense of direction), we've been having sunshine)

Also curious to know how June is a "he"??...unless, of course, June is transsexual...? Be good to know, since I'm betting I'll need to write a letter of complaint in about a month's amount of time! ;D

Hope June is good to you...transsexual, or not...

Celeste said...

Freaking fantastic. Please rant more frequently.