This is what most Christmas card pictures would look like if we were all just a bit more honest with ourselves and others! ha ha!
I'm going to be honest. I love my life. I love my husband (deeply). I love my son (so much that it physically hurts sometimes). But I don't want to give the impression that my life is perfect. Those of you who have been reading for a long time already know this, but just in case I haven't made myself clear recently - no one is perfect. This includes me, and it also includes all of the authors of all of those beautiful blogs you see out there floating around on a daily basis. I choose to focus on the beautiful, the inspirational, and the joyous because that's what I want to create in my life. But every once in awhile, we all have one of "those days" and blogs are good for those too. It's amazing that we have a community of mothers who can relate to our challenges, trials, and experiences and that we have been given the opportunity to see one another through. My good friend Celeste wrote a very honest, blunt, delightful blog that I came across today, and I wanted to share it. I appreciate her candor, and I could completely relate to the things that she said. She wrote:
does anyone else...
..ever just want to be left alone for like a week?
..feel evil that they don't want to share all of their food with their 3 year old? (who refuses to eat her own lunch, but squawks like a bird until I feed her some of mine.)
..wonder if they even could mentally handle the second child that they've been trying for for a year?
..feel evil for thinking these things because their child actually is an unbelievably good girl?
..occasionally think that motherhood is not all it's cracked up to be in the satisfaction department?
..get retardedly sick of doing the same housekeeping, child-rearing tasks over and over and over day after day?
..think that blogging, bless it's heart, has made it all that much easier for them to compare their own worst selves to everyone else's best selves?..feel like such a peice of crap for a mom somedays?
I'M SOOOO SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS!!!!!
Am I just some insecure, selfish, stupid woman?
Sometimes I just want to run away to the beach & sell churros.
There it is.
On my blog.
For all the world to see.
Run away to the beach and sell churros?
Are you kidding me?
I love this girl.
Hello! I totally understand.
I look like I have multiple personality disorder on my blog!
That's just the nature of the beast.
Here's a brief summary of my blog:
I HATE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT!
life is beautiful
I am so grateful
LIFE SUCKS! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A FREAKIN BABY!!!!????
I'm okay with not having another baby.
I am willingly accepting whatever life (and God) has in store for me.
my child is beautiful
and raising him is so fulfilling.
I can be totally happy with just one child...
WHY CAN'T I HAVE ANOTHER DANG BABY???!!!!!
And, seriously, it really doesn't help that I'm "trying"(as in, for another baby) because every time I have a bad day or bad thought, my abusive little brain says:
"See!? That's why you're not getting pregnant! You're a bad person and you're not properly mothering the sweet little child that you already have, so why should you get another one? You big fat loser."
and then I say:
"You know what, abusive little brain, you're right. I'm going to go crawl back into bed with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and we're gonna try this again tomorrow."
Works for me.
Love you Celeste!
Good luck. The truth shall set you free!