This Christmas we were looking forward to announcing to family and friends that we were pregnant. Heavenly Father obviously has other plans for us as I started miscarrying over the weekend. Haven't we been through enough this year? I've already been through a D&C, a mini-stroke, 10 weeks of chemo, more than 20 blood draws, 3 ultrasounds that ended in hysterical tears, watching my family lose pregnancies and babies and worst of all burying my 24 year old cousin. Throw on a natural miscarriage the week of Christmas and 2008 can go to Hell.
I have also seen miracles. A beautiful baby girl was placed in my cousins arms. I fell more deeply in love with my husband. We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary and our 2nd anniversary of being sealed. My adorable, amazing child bringing home straight A's, scoring goals at his soccer games and making his father and I so proud. My husband ordained him a deacon and we watched him pass the sacrament for the first time. I physically healed from chemo and ran two 5k's. Twice I saw babies sealed to their parents. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing, gorgeous, talented cousin who wrote the most beautiful thing.
(she's talking about ME by the way- and I know what you're thinking. YOU'RE thinking that the only reason I'm posting this is because Jen says that I'm gorgeous and talented, but you're wrong. Dead wrong. What kind of self-centered little turd do you think I am? Okay, fine. You caught me. But you're still a little wrong. I'm posting it because she says I'm amazing. So there.)
Yes it hurts. It sucks. I have cried and screamed and am in both physical and emotional pain.Thanks to the sweet reminder from Laura, this too shall pass. I cannot question my path in life and the plan that He has laid out for me. My Heavenly Father knows my suffering and my trials. Christ suffered for my sins and my sorrows. I know I will get the chance to have a baby. I guess this will make me appreciate what a miracle it really is. She writes it so much better than I do - just read her post! I have so many blessings and so many things to be thankful for. This year has been nasty and I will be so glad when it's behind me and I am stronger because of it.
p.s. no comments on this one - I'm not writing this for attention or because I feel like 'poor me'. Just a nice reminder that bad things happen but it's not the end.I hope everyone enjoys the true meaning of the season:
No matter what - there is hope because Christ lives! Merry Christmas!
K, so I have been made more than a little privy to all of the nightmarish poo that Jen has been wading through over the past year, so you can understand why I (along with my family) was doubled over, laughing so hard it hurt with tears streaming out of both of my eyeballs when I logged onto her site and read her "New Year's" post.
I love you Jen! Here's to babies in 2009! We can do it! (and if we can't, at least we can eat ice cream and hate the world together)
*muah* x's a thousand!
Oh, and I'm with Jen on this one, no pity comments please...I am, however, happy to accept praise/acceptance/adoration. So, If you want to tell us how pretty/smart/exceptional you think we are, or comment on how much you like our hair, or toes... (if you've been privileged enough to see them, that is. Mine are really long. Creepily long. So, if you decide to go with a toe compliment, I'll probably think you're just saying that to be nice. Jen's toes, on the other hand, are entirely, altogether fabulous. So, perhaps you could get away with throwing a "gorgeous toe" compliment Jen's way, but you should probably just stick with telling me about how sweet my spirit is. All the boys in high school said I had a really sweet spirit. That always made me feel good... but you're the compliment giver. It's totally your call.)
Ah ha ha! Kyle just read this and here was the conversation that followed:
Kyle: I don't think you have freakishly long toes
Lola: You have to say that because you're my hubs.
Kyle: No, they aren't freaky.
Lola: They're pretty long.
Kyle: Okay, but you're going to give people bad images of yucky french fry toes or something...
Ahhh! I love my life.
Yucky french fry toes?
Never heard of such a thing.