Wednesday, December 31, 2008

z2k the zune crash of 2008 * 2009

If you haven't totally been living under a rock,
you may have heard about
&
Yes, the "Obama owns a zune" drama that inundated
the media a few months ago... *sigh*
I thought the following commentary was interesting:
“Yesterday the Philadelphia City Paper ignited a controversy over the question,
with a blog entry that included the innocuous detail that the President-elect
was working out while listening to the Microsoft (not Apple!) music player.
But today a spokesman puts the vicious rumor to rest. “Not true, the President-elect uses an iPod,”
he says. And the Philadelphia writer, Neal Santos said:
“It could belong to one of the many Secret Service dudes that were at the gym,
Michelle, or even one of his daughters.”
That hasn’t stopped the merriment within the communit
y
— and yes, there is one — of Zune users, who are drastically outnumbered by iPod fans.”
I had no idea that zunes were so...
taboo in my society!
Well, I have a confession.
a deep
dark
disturbing
awful
humiliating confession…
go ahead:
gasp
shudder
let that jaw hit the floor
shake your head disapprovingly
cry a little for the loss of my assumed coolness
– I can take it.
(I should also take this opportunity to tell you
that I would purchase a Chrysler Town and Country Mini Van
over an SUV. -and NO, not for “gas price” reasons,
but sheerly for nerdy, "I love mini vans" reasons!)

and WHAT (you might ask) is so wrong with owning a zune?
Well, I didn’t know there was anything wrong with it until all of
that ruckus surrounding Barack’s ill-fated, zune-y, treadmill tryst
exploded onto the media scene. Even then, I thought
“What’s the big deal?” Then I saw this:

video

That did it! If Chuck and Morgan were “dissing” the zune,
there must be something seriously wrong with it.
So, I decided to hide my shameful secret from that day forward.
No one could ever know of the embarrassing,
completely uncool brick that lurked at the bottom of my designer handbag.
Then, one terrible day, a crazed/sneaky/evil/underhanded/Lola-obsessed
member of the paparazzi (clearly enamored with the Lola Letters Blog)
climbed a tree in my neighbor's yard and caught me jamming out on my zune
in the privacy of my own home! What a snake! But forget you paparazzi!
I'm going to post those pictures right here and now.
People Magazine and Us Weekly aren't going to pay you a dime
for your filthy, unauthorized photos now that I've already released them!
So there.
I'm not ashamed.
(okay, I'm a little ashamed)




Obama is probably breathing a serious sigh of relief right now, and here’s why: I am pleased to be the first to tell you that a new zune gate 2008 has just exploded onto the scene! (phew, good thing it happened today instead of tomorrow, zune gate 2009 doesn’t sound nearly so fabulous. I think it’s the rhyming that gives it a little extra somfin’ somfin’)

I woke up this morning, snuggled with Kort, drank some super juice, grabbed my zune, and got ready to jam out while I unloaded the dishwasher, but what did my zune do? Nothing. It’s in a coma. Maybe even dead...I can’t be sure. So, I call the hubs in for an examination and he is befuddled (ew, what kind of an awful word is befuddled? I know, right?). He immediately gets on-line to trouble shoot, and guess what: I’m not alone. All of the zunes all over the world are d.e.a.d! Dead I tell ya! (cue pandemonium) They’re calling it the Z2K of 09, and I (meaning me, moi, yours truly, the Lola girl herself) get to be a part of it!

One can’t help but wonder, is this a sinister, maniacal plot on the part of the evil apple corporation to take out their fiercely driven competitor once and for all? Everyone knows that it was only a matter of months before zune completely overtook the ipod in sales! What, with their incredibly stylish, innovative black BRICK design and myriad color choices ranging from white, brown, black, pitch black, blackest black, and dark dark dark charcoal, why would anyone even look at an ipod?

And to think, all these months I’ve hung my head in shame and spent countless hours cropping the zune out of our family vacation photos before posting them– only to find out that the ipod was totally jealous of me and my incredible zune all along…fancy that.

Okay, what this really means is that Zune (translation: Microsoft) totally messed up, and do all of you smug, self-righteous, superior ipod owners know what THAT means?

It means that Bill Gates (the big man, the head honcho, the richest man in the universe, the coolest guy I know) owes ME something! How many of you can say that? (ipods are cooler my eye!)Okay, sure, Billy Boy DID send me a rather lovely fruit basket over the holiday season, and the chocolates and flowers he sent last Valentine’s Day were pretty much *to die* but now I expect to be getting a brand-spanking-new, black, bricky zune from my favorite Billionaire. It’s so great! This Christmas season just keeps on giving!

Hope everyone has an awesome new year!

I know I will.

(Especially now that the huge zune secret of 2008 is behind me. Phew! )

Here's an update on the actual zune situation. Looks like no free zune for Lola. But that's okay. I didn't really think that's what would happen anyway. It was fun to be sassy about it for awhile anyway!

9 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I had no idea there was a Zunegate!

Have a Happy New Year!

Janyece said...

Now THAT was the best way to start 2009! I was laughing so hard! I am sorry about your Zune. May it rest in pieces, err peace. Though they probably won't let it rest in the same cemetery as the dead Ipods.

I confess, I had no idea the Zune was taboo either, but I'm with you. If Chuck and Morgan say it, it must be true! Personally !'m just as cool as before however since I use an Ipod. ;)

Ashley said...

My husband owns a zune to. Funny thing is he JUST GOT IT on Christmas! haha

So needless to say... there was a lot of this:

#$*^&@(%^*$^$*%$@(#$(%)^!!!!

coming out of his mouth yesterday! lol

Everything is fine and dandy this morning though. Phew!

Marissa said...

I don't think you should be embarrassed about the MP3 player... more about the fact that you are wearing a PCD shirt (that probably means you are a fan of the so called group). LOL;)

Laura said...

OMG! You are so hilarious! To tell you the truth Ben and I had no idea what a Zune was until we read your blog- thanks for giving such detailed and expressive info- you are a crack up! You should write a book or something, I would totally read it :) I finally updated mu blog a little!

Natalie Murray said...

Laura, I hope you don't mind but I posted your blog in a post on mine! You are a crack up & brilliant at what you do & I love you & wanted to share! So hope you don't mind, let me know if you do & I will take it off!
So is Lola a nickname? I knew a girl in high school that was named Laura & one of our teachers called her Lola, is that another way of saying Laura? Anyway, love you girl! Talk to you soon!

Kiersten said...

A) You are a babe. I would stalk you, too, if I were the paparazzi.

B) Great post ; )

Ashley Koz said...

k I love the pics, you ham

Aubry Macbean said...

I have an even bigger secret. I don't own an ipod or a Zune. How behind the times am I.