Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Sorry, it's crabby post time.

Kay, So I had resolved to go my quiet little way and not say anything on the matter which we’re about to discuss… but knowing me, that’s about as likely as a starved shark passing up a bucket of chum – and even less likely when somebody unwittingly fuels my ever-lovin’ fire. So here’s the deal:

Several months ago, one of my “friends” from high school “friend-requested “me on Facebook - an invitation which I gladly accepted. I had wondered where he had been, and how he had been doing over the years and all that jazz, and it was fun to catch up. We exchanged a few emails about our lives and families, and he included a link to view his blog (at the time, I had no idea what blogging even was) and told me to check it out, which I did. So, flash forward several months, I am a crazy-addicted blogger who is IN LOVE with finding old friends and catching up and following their lives, and I remember that this friend gave me his blog address and decided I would go say hi. So, I did, and a few days after I posted a comment on his most recent post, (something like “That’s so great! How thoughtful”) I went to see if he had any new posts, and found that my comment had been deleted! I honestly just thought that was hilarious/baffling/lame/ and most of all, SO HIGH SCHOOL. He contacted ME. He gave me his blog address… what the heck?

So any-hoo, I had a good laugh about it with my husband and let it go. I really just don’t have time to care about that sort of nastiness… at least, I didn’t at that moment. So a few weeks later, I went out to dinner with two of the most fantastic, stylish, down-to-earth, intelligent, hilarious girls, and we got into this crazy conversation about how one of these girls got totally snubbed by an old high school acquaintance at the gym. She had recognized this acquaintance during their aerobics class, and when class was over, she went and said “hi” and the girl was like, insanely snotty and stand-offish and it totally caught my friend off guard. Well that made me really mad, because this friend is the NICEST person on the planet. Any one of you would be absolutely blessed to have a friend so kind and loyal as this girl is. Look up “Without guile” in the dictionary, and it has her picture under it – I swear. That sort of thing just makes me crazy. So, this same friend (the sweet, awesome one) goes on to say that she “friend-requested” a different acquaintance from high school on Facebook, and the person denied the request! Ha ha! At this point, my cheeks are burning with rage and I’m wondering if the entire flipping world has gone mad… then I remember that she went to Timpview (ew). And don’t give me that “Timpview just has a bad rap for no good reason” spiel again – I’ve heard it from all 20 of my Timpview graduate friends and in the very next breath, they say something about their high school experience that is so utterly cruel, shallow, lame, and appalling that I simply refuse to believe that “it wasn’t that bad.” For those of you who don’t speak “Utah Valley,” Timpview High is basically the equivalent of “Pretty in Pink” (the 1980’s Molly Ringwald movie) all over again (only with a vomit-inducing amount “Abercrombie” and “Hollister” taking the place of amazing 80’s fashion…which was really the only good reason for watching a show about such a nasty pile of fictional high schoolers in the first place.)

As a trust fund baby myself, I can honestly say (without jealousy or bias) that a sixteen year old driving a $40,000 car all over town and acting like he is the bomb.com (not to mention acting like he earned the fortune that bought it) is enough to make one want to run screaming off the edge of the nearest cliff. Now, times that number by 400 (or whatever amount it takes to fill a Timpview High parking lot) and it’s just about enough to cause a lemming effect on every decent, hardworking person who can no longer stomach the blatant artificiality of it all. (okay, now I’m just being dramatic.) There were also NICE kids at Timpview (I’m absolutely certain of it, because as I said, I know at least 20 of them) but I’ll bet most of them were pretty miserable! Okay, I can’t really speak for them, but I know I certainly would have been! It’s pretty safe to say that my family had more money than most, if not all of the families of the kids that I went to high school with, and I drove an ever-lovin’ forest green aerostar van for cryin’ out loud! (A van that my little brother later inherited and to which he added minor improvements such as duct tape racing stripes and a shopping cart that was soldered to the roof. Builds character people! None of this BMW garbage – ew! Honestly, have any of you ever watched an episode of my super sweet sixteen and NOT wanted to reach into the TV and strangle the kid? Okay then.) Again, I digress. Can you see how I get when “not nice” people are mean to “extremely nice” people, especially when I happen to adore said “extremely nice” people? … just so we’re clear.

So, again, I just swallowed my contempt and went and enjoyed the rest of my night with my awesome friends. Then, last night, I started IM-ing with an old friend and it was really fun to catch up! Near the end of our conversation, she mentioned a few mutual “friends” of ours who had totally snubbed her on their blogs. Ie: deleting any comments she leaves on their posts, won’t respond to anything she says… etc, and it got me all fired up again and I’ve decided that I’ve had it!

So here’s what I have to say:
If you really have the kind of friends that would look at you differently based on “who you do and do not allow to comment on your blog”, then I hate to tell ya this (okay, no I don’t) but, they aren’t very good friends. Which, really, if you think about it, I think it’s also safe to say that if YOU care so much about what other people think about “who you do and do not allow to comment on your blog,” you’re kind of lame in the hugest way imaginable. I’m really sorry that high school can’t go on forever. Really, I am, but snubbing kind, friendly people via the internet isn’t going to help you relive that night when you were crowned Homecoming Queen alongside the “hot” football player who is now 60 pounds overweight, drunk more than he’s sober, and pumping gas for all of the people you thought you were too cool to hang out with in high school.

I think that the thing that disappoints me the most is that these are mothers we’re talking about here, and as mothers, don’t we all send our children off to school with a sincere prayer in our hearts that our child will be met with kindness? Isn’t that pretty much at the TOP of every mother’s wish list ALL THE TIME? I certainly know that it’s at the top of mine.

It broke my heart the other day when Kortland and I were driving in the car and he told me he hated school. Here is how the convo went:
(I have changed the name of the little boy in his class so as to protect the privacy of other people’s children.)

Kortland: I don’t want to go to school anymore. I just hate school.
Me: Kort, we don’t say hate. Why don’t you like school?
Kortland: Because Jebediah (might as well be his name…it’s as good a name as any…) used to be my best friend and now he says he’s not my friend anymore.
Me: I’m sorry bud, are you making sure that you’re being to kind to everyone so that they want to be your friend?
Kortland: I’m always nice to Jebediah. (okay, probably hard to take this seriously with that name… but bear with me people).
Me: Well what happened? How do you know that he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore?
Kortland: Because he has a cool watch and he used to always tell me what time it was, but now he won’t tell me. He just says “I’m not telling you.” And he tells everyone else at my table what time it is, but he won’t tell me. Then, when I ask other people what time Jebediah told them, everyone else says “Don’t tell him. Don’t tell him.” and then no one will tell me.

Maybe this just makes me sick to my stomach because this is being done to my baby, (and ALREADY in KINDERGARTEN- man, I thought the “nasty” gene was more apt to kick in around the first grade, and even then, I thought it mostly occurred in girls) and maybe, JUST MAYBE it makes me sick because we’ve all felt that ugly, terrifying feeling where everyone in a particular group is excluding us for no other reason than the momentary high that false power and superiority brings. Now, it’s one thing for 5 year olds to get off on a strange, inviting sense of power over others, but it is another thing entirely for grown men and women to do so.

I’m actually thankful for situations like this one for the simple reason that they set the stage for priceless teaching opportunities. Kort and I had a good discussion about how this behavior made him feel, and why we should always do our best to make sure we never make others feels as bad as we have been made to feel at times.

I wonder if teaching such lessons even occurs to the mothers who continue to do the same kind of bullying as grown-ups, and if it does, then I think they should- at the very least- try to practice what they're preaching. Kids learn best through example, and I suspect that for the most part, mean kids learn it in the home.

Kortland’s not perfect. He’s an only child for heaven’ sake, I swear, at times I think that I have to work overtime to make sure that he is acting with kindness and consideration towards his friends, but if it’s the only thing I do right in this life, I will raise a son that is kind. He will have a good heart, and a meek spirit (okay, something his mother is obviously lacking…) and he will embrace all of God’s children, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM with the same love.

I honestly had let the personal offense (of my deleted comment) go. Those of you who know me know that this is really, completely absolutely true. My self-worth is not lost or found in the acceptance of …well, anyone…ever. I know who I am and I’m happy with who I am. I’m married to the love of my life and I have the greatest family and friends on the planet. Most importantly, I am a child of God. Nothing can add to or take away from that which is unchangeable, and my essence is precisely that, but when I see other people taking the brunt of it, people who I respect, love, and admire… well, then I’m going to have something to say about it (as you can clearly see I have).

I guess what I’m really trying to say to snobby, delete-y, ingnore-y bloggers is:

Get over yourselves. There’s nothing on your blog that those who you consider to be your “lesser high school/blogging affiliates” can’t find elsewhere.(Authored by people who are better writers, with more exciting lives, and funnier, better-looking children…not to mention nicer, kinder spirits.) So stop acting like your blog is a treasured gift to the world…or if you really think that your blog IS in fact, terribly, insanely, out of this world special and ought to be viewed by super-special, VIP eyes only – go private already, and leave “open blogging” to the friendly people.

(DISCLAIMER 1: THE “PRIVATE” REFERENCE IN NO WAY INCLUDES THE MANY LOVELY, FRIENDLY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO ARE PRIVATE FOR SECURITY REASONS RATHER THAN SNOBBERY REASONS…YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, YES? DISCLAIMER 2: IF I HAVEN’T RESPONDED PROMPTLY TO ONE OF YOUR COMMENTS, IT’S BECAUSE I’M A FLIGHTY MOM WITH NO SHORT TERM MEMORY AND AN EXTREMELY DEMANDING 5 YEAR OLD, AND NOT BECAUSE I THINK I’M BETTER THAN YOU. I LOVE YOU ALL ND APPRECIATE BEING INVITED INTO A PIECE OF YOUR INDIVIDUAL LIVES. I HAVEN’T EVER DELETED ANYONE’S COMMENTS, AND BARRING ANY VULGAR/NASTY ONES…I NEVER WILL.)

Does this all sound a little harsh? Well, I’m sorry if I’m a little passionate about it. I can’t help the fact that I distinctly remember an experience I had when I was in first grade and my best friend Lindsay came up to me on the playground and said words I have never forgotten.

“Lets go get Suzanne.” (A mentally handicapped girl in our class) “Those girls are trying to get her to eat worms.”

Well, if you’re one of those people out there blog-snubbing people because you think you’re better than they are…(and honestly, what other practical/believable reason are you going to give me for doing it?) then you should know that that’s how I see you: shoving worms down somebody else’s throat. You’re pushing someone else down so you can feel better about yourself, and I am disappointed to see it in kindergarten, and even more disappointed to see it in the politics of high school, but I am positively disgusted to hear about it happening among mothers. If bringing a beautiful, innocent child into the world didn’t shake you to your very core and make you want to be a builder of men…then I don’t know what on earth ever will. But I hope there’s something, because the fact is, you’re just as special and important as every other person on the earth, and maybe if you could just believe that with all your heart, you could stop trying to prove it by leaving crushed and battered spirits in your wake.

You can totally say that I’m blowing this way out of proportion, (and you’d probably be right) but I’ve heard enough about it that it makes me tired, and when I’m tired, I get sassy. Plus, I guess I should also say that this totally doesn’t even apply to the lovely people who are my friends and read my blog, but I just needed to vent, and who better to vent to than your friends, right? Don’t get all worked up about it and be like “Wow, Laura is freaking out. She needs sushi and a pedicure stat!” (Though you’d probably be right again! Ha ha!) I’ve just never been a fan of mean girls, and I probably never will be, so…sorry. I may need a little venting sesh every other year or so when my friends are dealing with mean people…but I’ll try to keep it to a minimum.
***
I’ll go ahead and end on a positive note and send a personal thanks out to my good buddy Barrack, who, after my recent post has decided to stay up out of my morning telly, or if he did feel the need to interrupt to talk about the economy, his lunch plans, and what he’s asking Santa to bring him for Christmas, he was at least considerate enough to call ahead and make sure that I didn’t have any imminent television watching plans before doing so (thank you baby). A man of the people that one. What a guy!

9 comments:

nancy said...

I know that "going private" was meant just for me. But mine was truly because of weird Indonesia stalker guy. Sorry. I still love you and please still read my boring blog and check out my photoshopping marvels. Love your post. It is so true about mean people raising mean snotty kids.

Celeste said...

screw 'em all!
I for one am just glad that technology has increased the number of ways that we have to snub one another. YEAH FOR HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA!!

Janyece said...

Amen, Laura!

We have all been there and it breaks my heart when I see this happening and, sadly, I have seen it a lot (and experienced it myself) among adults too. Why not vent about it? Someone may not even realize they'd done it until stumbling across your blog. We all have our vices and I think helping each other out is what life's all about. :)

Kristina P. said...

First, I was a Bulldog, so we definitely have rivalry to uphold. ;)

And second, people are so ridiculous!

One of my friends got married to someone who has this built in group of friends, and whenever we all get together, I have never felt more like I'm back in high school than when I am with them. It's super uncomfortable and very cliquish. And it's ridiculous! I am 30, smart, funny, successful, etc., and yet, I somehow still feel that way.

Dugovic Domain said...

Nancy: You caught me! No foolin' you. What, you think you're better than Mr. Indonesian stalker guy just because you're hot and your kids are really really ridiculously good-looking? Stuck up. ;)

Celeste: Wow, nicely said Mrs. Congeniality! (I love you so much I can't even stand it - punk.)

Janyece: Thanks babe! I agree, and I definitely don't expect people to be crazy busy responding to every comment they get and returning emails to be super friendly and such - no one has time for that, but the fact that one girl deletes EVERY comment that another girl puts on her blog... that sort of thing just puts my jaw to the floor! Holy nasty behavior batman! Ha ha! Can't we all just get along? Is it really that hard?

Dugovic Domain said...

Krisitna - I know! I totally went to a "get together" a few weeks ago where a couple of girls were SOOOO stand-offish! I was like, "Um, don't you come to social gatherings to meet NEW people and enjoy catching up with old friends?" I know I do, but hey - I guess that some people just go to them to feel superior, which I just think is hilarious!

Kristina P. said...

OK, seriously, you are the best blog BFF ever. Your last comment on mine totally made my day. And I think that the women were jealous of you because you are clearly much more gorgeous than them.

Natasha Ireland said...

AMEN. THanks for sharing those thoughts Laura...it really is such a childish action. I am sorry Kort is feeling sad about school...he's such a GREAT kid. Lets play soon, I know Taylor would love it. ps. did you get my text today about Reagan saying hi, and talking about the sleep over. I went to GTU, IT WAS FUN.

Lori said...

What a great post! I totally remember the Van. I don't miss high school. I do miss the friends I made there though. You were one of the best ones.