Ask Lola: Friends (and Potstickers)

I made pot-stickers today! ...and learned why they are called pot STICKERS. (Um, they kind of STICK to the pot and such.) Helpful hint? Don't ever (not never) move them until they are completely cooked! (You're welcome)

Dear Ask Lola, It seems like you have lots of AMAZING friends! HOW did you find them? After working for years and years I recently became a stay at home mom. So I've been trying to expand my group of friends as well as look for potential play dates. It seems like I can't find a girlfriend I would like to spend time with. So far my experiences have been a neighbor that complains about EVERYTHING, a friend of a friend that has NO personality and another that flakes out every time we make plans. Am I being too picky? Can you make a match.com for mommy friends?? HELP!? I feel like a friendless loser :(

Here is some info another reader offered:

"The Anonymous commenter should try looking for mommy friends through a city blog for moms if they have one in her area, she could also try the mommy morning outs that are hosted by local churches. They are a great way to meet other people and hear great advice on raising children. However, if she only knew when you are LDS you have a built in network of friends all around the globe.

Ha ha! She makes a good point! Being LDS automatically provides women with plenty of opportunities to make new friends and easily become integrated in her neighborhood community. If you are LDS, then I would say, take advantage of those opportunities.

HERE IS A RUNNING LIST OF WHERE I'VE MET MY CLOSEST FRIENDS:
* I would say about ten of my dearest friends were brought into my life through the church.
* Four were neighbors in different areas where we lived.
* Quite a few of my favorite "friend finds" were at Sweaty Chix Fitness here in Springville. (Although they have new locations opening up throughout the valley) Everyone there is SO AMAZINGLY nice and fun and outgoing. (What more could you ask for in a work out group?) They have some seriously fun Zumba too.
* Friends from college.
* Friends that I meet through friends.
* My husband's best friends' wives.
* a VERY select few friends from high school.
* Some of my best and most favorite friends on the planet of earth came through pageants (of all places!) And, while I'm not such a big fan of pageants themselves, and usually preface any mention of my pageant involvement with "What was I thinking!!???" I am SO HAPPY that I participated so that I could cross paths with these women. I seriously ADORE them.
* and I've even made a few friends through blogging. Friends that have become more than just blog friends - like, friends that go out to dinner or lunch with me in real life and such.

One thing I do (that helps me make friends) is talk.

Like, a lot. (Shocker!)

I talk to anyone and everyone (double shocker!) and it often results in new friendships. This can be hard (even REALLY hard) for some people, I know, but it is the easiest way I know of when it comes to meeting new people.

I also do something that most people will probably think is bizarre, or nerdy at the very least. When I meet...or even just "spot" someone who I think is totally amazing and eternally more cool, fabulous, and fun than I could ever hope to be, I decide that they are going to be my friend.

Kind of stalker-y huh?

Yeah, I know. But I've made some really cool friends this way.

This post is already way too long! Let me just close by saying - you aren't too picky! I don't like hanging with negative people or flakes either! I also struggle with people that make NO effort to be interesting, fun, or charming. Why should I have to do all the work carrying the conversation AND the friendship, right? I can understand (to a degree) if someone is naturally shy, but come on. We're adults. We should be able to carry on a conversation and do things that are outside of our comfort zones.

oh. my. sick. (AND a little "oh my cute" to balance it out a bit)

Bubbuh is terrified of loud noises.
This is probably an understatement.
So, you can imagine how miserable the 4th of July weekend is for him.
(Especially when it stretches out for three flipping days.)
So far, he has spent the better part of the last 2 days
under my feet,
at the side of my bed,
and even in the bath tub.
Yep, the bath tub.

So, when it comes time for him to go out on the deck to eat his dinner,
and then run down into the yard and have his night-time potty break,
he is NOT interested.
Not when fireworks are wreaking havoc in the streets.
He would rather starve, and "hold it."
(Yes, even for 18-24 hours straight.)
So, the hubs and I have to go out on the deck with him.
And we have to walk down into the yard
and wait while he goes potty.
Then we say "Good potty Bubbuh!"
over and over again...
in baby voices.
(Yep, we really do.)

This is where the "oh my sick" comes in.
I was walking back into the house, when I stepped on something...
...with bare feet.
It felt like a plump, juicy grape.
I searched my memory bank,
praying that I would remember Kort taking
a bowl of grapes out onto the deck earlier that day.
Nope.
He didn't go out back today.
No chance of stray grapes.
"Oh no." I said.
"What's wrong?" The hubs asked.
"I stepped on something that felt like a grape."
"Oh." The hubs said,
(instantly "smelling what I was steppin' in" and such)
(Good one, Lola.)
*Pats self on back.*
So, I step to the side.
Spider.
But not your ordinary, run of the mill spider.
Oh no.
A big old fatty.
A "size of Texas" (or something close) kind of fatty.
He was black, and hairy,
and considerably juicier than most grapes.
messed. up.
oh. my. sick.
Thinking about it still makes me shudder.
(Okay, it happened like, 15 minutes ago,
so the memory is still pretty fresh, but seriously?
EW.)

On a lighter note...


I did my last official photo-shoot before Baby Bob comes.
And it was of one of my best friends.
And she is so great.
(Not to mention so pretty...
and one of the nicest people ever...)
We had our first babies together.
I gave birth to Kort,
and then she had her TWINS 8 days later.
Then, she had another little boy shortly thereafter.
Then we both had fun bouts of "secondary infertility"
for four and five years.
Then we both got pregnant again.
AT THE SAME TIME!
(How awesome is that!?)
Only she is cooler than me.
Because she is having triplets.
(Yep, that's what I just said. T to the R to the I to the PLETS!!!!!!)
She is so hard core.
I feel cool just saying that I know her.
So here she is, as pictured Through Lola's Lens.
I'm so happy for her and her sweet family.
If anyone can love and nurture and adore 3 new babies
(all at the same time) to PERFECTION...it is this girl.
Those are 3 lucky babies...

worst. date. experience.

I stumbled upon this little delight on Facebook last night and I just had to share! This was written by my BFF Lisa and it cracked me up so hard!!!! Some girls have all the luck.

Lisa said:

Ooooooooooh boy how will I chose?! My worst ever was probably with this guy Clay I was set up with by my friend Reagan (Laura stop laughing!)

I was dragged (kicking and screaming) to a rodeo where we were introduced. There were zero sparks at first but I kind of liked him by the end of our meeting so a few weeks later when he called me up and asked me out I said yes.

When we met up with my friend Laura and her husband Kyle for dinner a few days later, I was slightly taken aback. He was wearing a grungy t-shirt, jeans and a ball cap (ON A FIRST DATE PEOPLE, AT A NICE RESTAURANT! WE WERE NOT AT A BALL GAME!) I had spent hours on my outfit, hair, nail polish, jewelry and nearly puked in my car on the way there I was so nervous, and he showed up looking like he had just rolled out of bed. I was a little irritated but decided to not be judgy. During dinner he barely spoke. The guy wasn't just quiet he possessed ZERO personality. I've never wanted a cocktail so bad in my life. It was painful. I wanted to leave desperately! Unfortunately, he had purchased us tickets to "The Dark Knight" and Laura and Kyle were bailing out so I had to endure the longest movie ever made with Captain Lame-O. But, before our movie started we had an hour to kill, so we ended up chatting in the food court at the mall (ew).

He had loosened up a bit by then so I thought perhaps there was a glimmer of hope.

Not so, he went from boring to nasty. He discussed his scary hatred for his "cheating, s***, b**** ex-wife", how he loved hunting animals (big no-no. Lisa loves animals to the point of hysteria and he knew that), he told me I was one of those "fancy girls" and he didn't like it. (why? because I actually showered before the date and put on clean clothes). He went onto say he hated buying girls dinner, opening their doors and listening to them. Also that he lost 50 lbs when he got divorced and planned on gaining it all back. At that point I was reaching for a plastic food court knife in hopes, with a little effort, it would be sharp enough to open a vein. Alas, our movie began, but not before a pit stop to the arcade so he could shoot some video game animals. I excused myself to the bathroom and cried a little.

I endured the 2 and a half hour movie, with mister nasty/boring and his delightful commentary after which he drove me back to my car. I got out of his car and into mine in .5 seconds. He texted me "drive safe" and once again I was near vomiting in my car.ew.

Let me also just say I am not high maintenance at all! I'm super mellow and easy to date. Buy me dinner, tell me I look pretty, be nice, have good manners. Bam! I'm yours.

(jerk)


Ahhhh ha ha ha ha! Yay Wees! I loved that. Plastic food court knife? Shut the front door! I honestly couldn't breath I was laughing so hard! I wish I had a bad dating experience even remotely that awesome.

Due to the fact that I have a bit of an outgoing personality (*gasp* you don't say!) I was consistently courted by guys who were incredibly shy. I'm fairly certain that the idea of dating Laura Blackwell was appealing to them because they knew I could have a killer conversation with a car windshield, my hand bag, or a brick wall, so surely I would help them feel like charismatic rock stars! (and I did.) So, most of my dating life was filled with overly expensive, over-planned date-excursion thingies where I went on an expensive carriage ride (complete with a huge bouquet of roses and a $200 dinner) and had a one way convo with a horse's rear, or where we went on a gourmet picnic where the cheese basket and I really hit it off! I didn't mind though. I seriously had a soft spot for the super shy guys.

Then there were the arrogant ones... Oi! I could not for the life of me stand/handle/stomach the arrogant ones!

You know, the ones who serenade you because they are fairy certain that they have the most beautiful voice in the entire world and any woman should consider herself lucky to be stuck in a car listening to them sing "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You" at the top of his lungs, because that's not awkward/horrible/disturbing or anything! And yes, I DID, in fact consider throwing myself from the moving vehicle on multiple occasion's... Never quite had the guts to go through with it, but I smiled a little to myself as I imagined my body rolling violently along the asphalt over and over and over again as he lee-wayed into "I Want It That Way."

Or the one who takes you on an "I'm kind of a big deal" travel date because he has lots of money and thinks you should be impressed and fall madly in love with him as a result of his daddy's money earning (and good-for-nothing child spoiling) ability. That was awesome. He gambled SO MUCH and I think he thought that I would think he was awesome, but I really just felt like he was a spoiled schmuck who was ignoring me and wasting his daddy's money. Wow, that was a SERIOUSLY long weekend! No fun. Boo.

My all-time favorite, just plain weird date had to be the time when Kyle and I broke off our engagement. (stupid, stupid girl.) I was totally heartbroken and trying to pick up the pieces, and a guy from my ward found out that I was "available" and asked me out. (DISCLAIMER: I am seriously, honestly sorry to anyone who had the misfortune of dating me after I'd spent 3 blessed months with Mr. Kyle Frank Dugovic. It's like feeding a girl steak and caviar for three months followed by a steady diet of poo. Not pretty. ha ha! )
It could not have been even remotely fun to try to rise to my impossible Kyle standards in the weeks following the Kyle-break-up-catastrophe of 2000.) and I seriously owe an apology to the guys who tried.

So, this guy took me to Magelby's for a late lunch saying that he was good friends with the Magelby's and blah blah blah, and when we got to the restaurant, it was closed! Nice. Maybe his good friends should have given him a lil' call to let him know that they closed every day between 4 and 6...just a thought. So then we went to this deeeeeeelightful mom and pop shop that I didn't even know existed and I had the kind of grilled cheese sandwich and beer-battered fries that dreams are made of, and this guy totally redeemed himself.
Then, we went for a drive/hike thing (stupid, right? ...and I know what you're thinking...and NO I did not make out with him!) So we are walking and talking, and out of the blue he asked:
"So what was it about me that made you want to go out with me?"
Huh? What?
Who on earth says that?
Seriously?
Well, I've never been much of a liar or ego-stroker (just ask any/all of my old boyfriends from high school who gladly dumped me for someone who was :) so I simply said:

"YOU asked ME out."

This caught him off guard, as he was clearly expecting an answer more along the lines of:

"Because you're dreamy, and smart, and charismatic, and something deep down inside of me just KNEW that you were probably good friends with the owners of Magelby's and other really, really important people, and frankly I just find those qualities irresistible!"

Ooops, was that how that was supposed to go down? Totally missed that.

Strangely enough, this whole convo makes me feel like I owe many of my ex-boyfriends from high school some much over-due praise:

*Yay you! You warmed that football bench better than anyone else on the team!
*Yay you! You are the king of 3 point basketball shot thingies and I clearly should have said how awesome and great you were more often so as to not have lost you to a delightfully complimentary, subservient, polygamist-ish girl who never cut her hair because "traditional" (a.k.a. creepy) boys like you only liked super long hair.
*Yay you! You are sooo handsome and cool and awesome and...okay I just threw up in my mouth a little. I'm really just not cut out for this. What I really should be saying is:

*Yay you! You dumped me and showed me exactly what "the kind of person I never wanted to marry" looked like! (a.k.a. you) Thanks to you I have the best hubs in the whole wide world! Who knew that being an enormous jerk would have such wonderful consequences in the long run? I know, right? So great. That Garth Brooks really knew what he was talkin' about. Some of God's greatest gifts REALLY are unanswered prayers! Way to go Garth! That man's a genius I tell ya, an absolute genius!

So anyway, my compliment-fishing date and I rode home in silence. It was weird. I probably should have been nicer, but honestly, I was tired of dating people who weren't Kyle, and this poor guy just got caught in the crossfire!

Not cool. I really do wish I had those guys' addresses. They deserve a box of chocolates and an apology. I guess at least they can write a really mean story about "some self-righteous snot (a.k.a me) they had the misfortune of dating back in the day" the next time they get tagged in a note on facebook. At least there's that.

*What was your worst dating experience? Tell me! Tell me! Then tag all your friends to do the same! If you post it on your blog tell me, cause I want to read it!