Of WHAT? {You might ask, and that, my friend, is a very valid question. But as with MOST things I share on here, we need a little - okay, or a lot of- back story. So here goes...}
Let's start here.
I have a really huge ego.
Not with regard to my physical appearance per se {as many of you know, I have come to terms with the fact that I'll never have hair like Julie Duncan or eyes like Chantel Taylor...etc. I've accepted it. Bygones. I'm not all that and a bag of chips. Got it. Moving on.}
Not with regard to thinking I'm super talented. {Anything I can do, someone can DEFINITELY do better. And in most cases, much, MUCH better. Accepted. Fact. Done.} It's really become a non-issue for me.
But I fear that my ego may be rather "HUGE" in terms of intellect. And no, that doesn't mean I think I'm smarter than everyone, not by a long shot. But what it DOES mean is this:
I really struggle with the fact that a HUGE section of the population of our planet thinks that my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is grounds for dismissing me as a sheep-y/lemmingish/brainwashed/unable-to-think-for-herself-idiot who only lives as she does because she is too stupid or scared to live her REAL truth.
Simplified:
Lola + Mormon = Idiot.
I have a huge problem with it.
Huge.
This is where the ego comes in.
And this issue has really reared its ugly head in the past few weeks.
What I'm going to share next is VERY embarrassing for me, so, be nice.
{OR, feel free to point/laugh/make fun of me to your friends, but just don't tell me you did...kay?}
I grew up in a family filled with scholars, lawyers, successful entrepreneurs, and {yikes} even a few politicians. I grew up in a home where we debated social issues over the dinner table, and believe me, if you jumped into one of these conversations, and didn't bring your A game, you were eaten alive right alongside the meatloaf and green beans. As a result, I am fairly type A, and don't tend to wither in a heated argument.
However, the older I've gotten, the more I have come to realize that nobody likes a pompous know-it-all who shoves "their truth" down everyone else's throats, and won't let others get a word in edgewise. I know better than that. It's just not fun to be around those types.
SO, that being said, I DON'T KNOW how I got sucked into it, but the past little while, I have been frequenting anti-Mormon/pro-Mormon/everything under the sun websites and having discussions in the comments sections and forums. I've read hundreds of negative, hateful comments from people who are certain that Mormons are the most idiotic group of people to ever come into being. According to them, it's no mistake that only one small letter makes the difference between "Mormon" and "Moron."
Fun stuff.
It gets more embarrassing.
I spent HOURS of my precious time {hours of it!}sometimes well into the middle of the night, writing huge comments in response to some of the things I was reading. I then spent HOURS the next day responding to responses to my response to their response, to my response, and...yeah. I told you it was embarrassing.
Despite the fact that these conversations were respectful,
my life started to feel icky.
I was exhausted.
I was exasperated.
And of course, no good came of the discussions.
How could it?
People are going to believe what they are going to believe.
They just are.
So why was I taxing/wasting my precious resources in the name of arguing with someone who thinks that I am a brainwashed idiot?
I could have taken a nap, or heck, gone to bed before 3:00 a.m.
I could have made cookies with my children.
I could have watched a movie and made-out with my husband. {Don't tell him that this was third on the list, I can't help it if naps and cookies are POWERFUL motivators....so shhh.}
I could have taken a shower and rubbed peach/grapefruit body wash into my skin until the hot water ran cold.
I could have given myself glitter toes.
I could have read an entire book. A good one. An uplifting and educational one.Or one about owning chickens {something I still dream of at least weekly}.
I could have written emails to people I adore and thanked them for being amazing people and blessings in my life....
But INSTEAD, I spent HOURS of my day and night, not showering praise and attention on my children and all of the good people that bring joy into my life, but rather, authoring massive "comments of futility" {as I now like to call them} to a person who thinks I am a brain-washed idiot who cannot think for herself. I also spent HOURS the other day in a conversation with a close relative hoping to help her understand a portion of what I believed so that she would stop operating under the assumption that I am the world's biggest idiot. And she would have NONE of it. I spent all that time trying to appeal to people who don't {and never will} respect me INSTEAD of spending that time where it counts. So. Embarrassing.
Utterly embarrassing.
It was POINTLESS!
POINTLESS I tell you!!!
Talking about politics and religion in social situations is taboo for a reason.That reason may very well have something to do with this:
It gets people all sorts of worked up, it creates ugly feelings between friends, and in the end,
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO POINT!!!!!!!
None, whatsoever.
Facebook is becoming such a MISERABLE place to be in the shadow of the Presidential election coming up this November. Yuck! People are at each others throats, and everyone has some big, glorified opinion, and many people so carelessly disregard those opinions, and boo. Just boo. And hiss. And boo again. I've only posted a very few things, and in retrospect, I'm sorry that I even posted those. Politics is so beyond choosing the lesser of two evils at this point, and it's laughable that any of us are trying to make a savior out of one man and a Judas out of another.
They are all Judases - duh. How do you think they got into such high positions? You think it was all kissing babies and waving from convertibles? No. They each sacrificed more than a sacred cow {or 60} to get where they are. YET, we have found a new sport in supporting them.It's like we're all lining up in the school yard and cheering on the 5 biggest liars/bullies/scumbags in the place.
But guess what? This isn't a school yard. We're supposed to be grown up and know better by now, but we've just created a bigger "playground" for ourselves and all of the unspoken rules that governed us in high school govern us still. We're saturated in unconsciousness...and we don't even know it. How CAN we know it, when we are this unconscious?
Worst of all, we're damaging relationships we have with GOOD people in defense of complete losers.
Should we care about who the next President is?
Yes.
We should educate ourselves and make the best possible decision by voting for a candidate that most closely resembles our values and ideals BUT we shouldn't allow all of this election garbage to turn into a facebook ego feeding frenzy where we are damaging our relationships with people who actually matter.
I can honestly say I have lost a lot of respect for some people over the past few months. Not because of which candidate they are backing, or because their beliefs differ from mine, but because of how I have seen them treat close friends and family members while defending their own candidate or tearing down the candidates others have chosen to support. It's classless, mean, and tacky, and I certainly hope that Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, and Barrack Obama have time in their busy schedules to fill in the holes left where your friendships were lost in their glorified defense. None of these men care about you, so it's unfortunate that you've decided to destroy worthwhile relationships in the name of supporting them.
And yes, we should talk about the issues. We should be able to share why we support a candidate, but we can do it with a little decency. People mention politics and the gloves come off and manners fly out the window. It's sad and unnecessary, and I am sad to say that I have been party to it on more than one occasion.
But it stops now.
I have yet to get into a huge debate with someone over ANYTHING and have them come away from it saying "Well golly Laura, I never thought of it that way. You done gone and changed up my mind for me!"
{Okay, to be fair, it's actually happened a few times with very specific friends who are profoundly open-minded and honestly seek to understand. I have also had my mind changed by them quite a few times, when they've shared a perspective I hadn't taken into account, but I've found that this is the exception and certainly not the rule.}
People either diligently seek to know the truth, or they don't.
They either look outside of their own conditioning and question the values society has laid before them, or they don't.
And that's that.
I'm embarrassed that I have allowed myself to care about whether or not anti-Mormons think I'm stupid.
I am embarrassed ANYTIME I allow "what someone thinks of me" to matter in the least, because when I care about something like that, I am operating purely from a state of ego.
And yes, some may say that it's only natural that I care about what others think, but I didn't come here to be "natural." I don't think I dreamed of an earth-life where I could tiptoe around and hope to please everyone with my abilities to appear intelligent and likeable. I didn't come to earth in hopes of winning the world's biggest popularity contest. I came to learn how to love and be loved.
My purpose in life is not to make atheists believe that I'm smart.
My purpose in life is not to garner their respect.
My purpose is to love them as they are.
My purpose is to love everyone, ESPECIALLY those whose beliefs differ from mine.
My purpose is even to love those who are almost impossible to love.
If I can do that, I will have really accomplished something in this life.
When I pray for missionaries in the field, I pray for them to be led to people who are seeking truth. I do not pray for them to be endowed with the power to change the hearts of hardened anti-Mormons or atheists. That would be pointless. Many of them are "past feeling" and more importantly, God gave them agency, and no one {including God} can change their hearts, because God is bound by His own laws and will not revoke agency - even if it means bringing someone to "exaltation".
Forcing someone to "choose the right" has always been Satan's plan, not God's. So if I wouldn't expect missionaries to change the hearts of those who have no interest in changing, why is that something I would expect of myself?
And why, would I waste so much of my time doing it?
It can only be chalked up to a momentary lapse in judgement....and BOY did I get sucked in for a bit.
But I am grateful for that experience because I have learned from it.
I choose to believe that people are good, and everyone is doing the best that they can with where they are at. Unconsciousness is so rampant, and I feel like I'm walking around in the fog of it SO OFTEN, but in these short moments of clarity, it's nice to find peace.
I, for one, will not be participating in political garbage discussions on facebook anymore... because I have all the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies in my pantry, and therefore, will ALWAYS have something better to do.
I won't be worrying about the salvation of anti-Mormons...because their salvation is theirs and theirs alone, and I have a hot husband and a whole list of good movies I want to watch with him.
I won't be worrying about whether or not atheists think I'm stupid... because I know what I know, and I have felt of God's love so intensely and supremely, that it has touched me to my very core, and I will never deny it, or explain it away. I will never deny the peace {tangible, real peace}that I feel when I am in the temple.
It is beyond understanding for some, sure, but that doesn't diminish it.
The only time I haven't felt peace in the last long while is when I have looked to the world for approval. When I seek to be understood and embraced by the world, things get if-y in a real hurry. No acceptance from an outside source can compensate for the peace I feel inside when I trust what I already know.
Bear testimony and share your light with THOSE WHO ARE SEEKING IT. But don't cast your pearls before swine. Take it from someone who knows - it is exhausting and fruitless labor.
I, for one, am opting out of the argument. Permanently.
I only get 24 hours in a day. I'm no longer willing to waste them in political debates on facebook or in detailed arguments in religious forums.
I have so many better things to do. You have so many better things to do.
We could be eating hot cookies, people!!!!
Hot. Cookies!
{Right from the oven. With milk. And people we love. Why would we choose to do anything else, really?}
Xo,
Lola
