Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A thank you note.

Dear Jenny,
{Yoga instructor at Sweaty Chix Fitness in Springville}

Thank you.

Ever since I had my baby, I have been waiting for my body to magically bounce back the way it did seven years ago when I had my firstborn. It's um, kinda not happening this time. I suspect that this is because thirty year old bodies recover from pregnancy a wee bit slower than 23 year old bodies. I mean, I'm no expert, but that would be my guess.

And I am constantly beating myself up about it. I have a stack of size four jeans in the tippy top of my closet taunting me non-stop. They are cute. They were expensive. {Not that I paid full price, but they are expensive jeans that I got for killer prices and I have a little issue/attachment disorder when it comes to nice things that I got for a really great deal. I'm working on it... but that's another letter for another day.} I have wanted to get skinny enough to wear them {sans any hint of the dreaded muffin top} for months now.

{9 months to be precise...but who's counting?}

Oh, right.
I'm counting.

I can't diet to get those last few pounds off because I don't believe in dieting.

So it looked as though exercise would be my only hope.

So I went to your class.

I went to your class because:
I want to be skinny.
I want to look cute in a swimsuit this summer.
I don't want to have to buy new clothes, because I am cheap.
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
I don't want to be all fidgety and posturing in an effort to give myself flattering lines.
Because I just don't like me the way that I am.
I am suffering from a case of "not good enough."

But about 5 minutes into class, it felt like all of that melted away, and I was there for me.
Not the body that houses me, but the me that will live, and create, and express long after the body that houses me is gone.

For the first time in months, I heard a little voice inside, and it whispered that I can love this body just the way it is, because this body has been very good to me.

I can lift a chubby baby.
I can clean my house for hours.
I can make delicious meals to nourish the people that I love.
I can jog with my dogs.
I can wrestle with a seven year old.

I am so lucky.

Then, as waves of gratitude washed over me, I put everything I had into the difficult poses and I had to breathe with all my might, and I trembled and sweated like a motha {because it is, indeed, HOT yoga}and I felt so STRONG.

From now on, 
I am going to come to your class because:

I want to feel good,
and I want to be strong.

Strong for my boys.
Strong for my family.
Strong for myself.

I heard some Hollywood actress being interviewed on TV today, and she said that she doesn't want to teach her daughter to exercise for the sake of "making herself small" {a.k.a. skinny, etc.}. Instead, she wanted to instill in her the desire to be fast, strong, agile, healthy, capable.

And I loved that sentiment.

And I want to stop buying into society's BS that tells me that I only have value if my breasts are gigantic and the rest of me is as tiny as humanly {and inhumanely} possible. My focus and time and talents and energy will be utterly wasted if I allow myself to zero in on garbage like that.

And your class helped me see that tonight.

I felt so much JOY in my body.
I felt excited to be me.

I thought about how each and every "flaw" that I perceived within my body was the direct result of my body GROWING and PRODUCING two of the most miraculous/beautiful/joy-giving boys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. {Okay, SOME of the flaws were also the direct result of too many powdered sugar doughnuts and Milky Way bars...but those are sort of out-of-this-world wonderful too, and totally worth it IMHO.}

So anyway, Jenny, I know this is a random {and far too detailed} note coming from someone you totally don't even know. But, what I'm trying to say is:


Your class is rad.
{Yes, I just said rad.}

I loved it,
and going to it helped me to remember to love me.
...and I love that.
...so, um, there's a lot of love up in this joint,
and it's getting awkward.

So I'll stop typing...now.

See you Thursday!



Suki said...

Glad you enjoy yoga that much.

Lisa Lou said...

Oh goodness, can I ever relate to this post! I have the same stack of jeans in my closet (but sadly I did pay too much for them!) and have been crying over them since I got pregnant.

I was doing yoga before the baby on board and then stopped because I thought, "what's the point?! I'm still getting fat". After a few weeks, my body started feeling all kinds of horrible.
So I realized what you did, it's about feeling good and being healthy.

Also yoga is so awesome because it isn't about size. In the hot yoga class I went to, there was a large woman on the front row who was killing it! And while I'm on the slender side (or was...haha...but oh well) I couldn't do half of what she could.

My apologies for the long self-indulgent comment, I'm just always happy when someone falls in love with yoga too.
So, yay! And keep going :)

Life with Kaishon said...

I am so fat. So, so fat.
I am sitting here crying because you have size 4 jeans you want to fit into...

I am glad you love your class.
Love, Very, VERY fat Becky