Dear Lady Gaga,

 

So, I just thought I'd write to let you know how I've been feeling as of late. Let me start by saying, I have just ADORED your music ever since you burst onto the scene with fab hits such as "Just Dance" and "Poker Face." People would say to me, "But she's such a weirdo!" and I would say "That's because she is a genius! An absolute GENIUS I tell ya!" {Yep, that's what I would say...}

Then you came out with hits like "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance" and "Love Game" and you kinda pushed the envelope, you know, with all of your nakedness and underwear sporting and such, but still, against my better judgment, I remained loyal and true.

 

Then you wore a meat dress.
And I'll admit, I thought that was pretty nuts.
Not cool, {per se}
Or statment-y and profound... {so much}
Just pretty nuts.

But still, I thought, many of the world's greatest artists were nuttier than a squirrel turd,
that's just the price one pays for brilliance. {You know, like Van Gogh, with all of the ear-mailing and love letters and such...}

Then you came out with songs like
"Allejandro" {a.k.a. a bad Ace of Base knock off}
"Born this Way" {a.k.a. a worse than bad Madonna knock off}
and
"Judas" {I don't even know what to label that one, other than to say that it's been done {and done and done and done anddoneanddoneanddoneandone....}

And now I am just embarassed.

I mean, I get it.
You're an artist.
You're edgy.

You have also committed to pushing a social /moral agenda that has completely incapacitated your ability to make good, fun, ineresting music anymore... it happens. {ask Madonna}

I just got finished watching your "Judas" and "Born this Way" videos, and to be honest, I felt like I was watching naked evil gyrating across a studio set in $800 dollar shoes.

And what's worse, I also felt like I was watching some random half Madonna, half Mariah Carey spawn of Lohan doing totally unoriginal things to totally unoriginal music.

Take your "Born this Way" video for example. Hey, I'm all about artistic expression, but birfing "symbolic-gay-hating-black-skyscraper-things" out of your nether-regions is {frankly} neither here nor there.

As for "Judas"... I just have one question:
Does Madonna like, get a royalty every time you bite/buy into her anti-christian, sacriligious hullabaloo?

Just for the record, your latest attempt at "shock factor" {a.k.a Judas}left me in a state of hysterical laughter. That video is so darn silly! I don't think you could try harder to be edgy and evil if you... um, tried harder!

Please allow me to share with you a secret that is  little known or talked about in the music/movie/art industries, but is rather well-known among the rest of us:
IT'S NOT HARD TO THINK OF/ACT OUT/ DO HORRIBLE THINGS!
Really.
It's not.
Anyone could do it.
It doesn't make you cooler or smarter than everyone else.

In fact, to prove my point, I'm going to write a stupid song {having stolen my beat from Madonna, or Ace of Base}and then shoot a music video where I am drop-kicking kittens into a river and making my nine month old baby flip everyone the bird. I will follow it up by making out with an actor dressed up as Adolf Hitler, and burning crosses on a hillside. That'll show um, EVERYONE!

I will look SO smart, and SO cutting edge, and SO enlightened!

People will think:
"Wow! I just threw up a little in mouth,
and feel like I need to go take a shower,
but MAN that Lola is one brilliantly talented artist!"

And then I will be a millionaire recording artist who can get on any random high horse that she chooses and then I will ride said high horse right into a whole new slew of below average songs, and silly, silly videos. It will be great!

See you at the top.

xo,
Lola