Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Dear Lady Gaga,

So, I just thought I'd write to let you know how I've been feeling as of late. Let me start by saying, I have just ADORED your music ever since you burst onto the scene with fab hits such as "Just Dance" and "Poker Face." People would say to me, "But she's such a weirdo!" and I would say "That's because she is a genius! An absolute GENIUS I tell ya!" {Yep, that's what I would say...}

Then you came out with hits like "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance" and "Love Game" and you kinda pushed the envelope, you know, with all of your nakedness and underwear sporting and such, but still, against my better judgment, I remained loyal and true.


Then you wore a meat dress.
And I'll admit, I thought that was pretty nuts.
Not cool, {per se}
Or statment-y and profound... {so much}
Just pretty nuts.

But still, I thought, many of the world's greatest artists were nuttier than a squirrel turd,
that's just the price one pays for brilliance. {You know, like Van Gogh, with all of the ear-mailing and love letters and such...}

Then you came out with songs like
"Allejandro" {a.k.a. a bad Ace of Base knock off}
"Born this Way" {a.k.a. a worse than bad Madonna knock off}
"Judas" {I don't even know what to label that one, other than to say that it's been done {and done and done and done anddoneanddoneanddoneandone....}

And now I am just embarassed.

I mean, I get it.
You're an artist.
You're edgy.

You have also committed to pushing a social /moral agenda that has completely incapacitated your ability to make good, fun, ineresting music anymore... it happens. {ask Madonna}

I just got finished watching your "Judas" and "Born this Way" videos, and to be honest, I felt like I was watching naked evil gyrating across a studio set in $800 dollar shoes.

And what's worse, I also felt like I was watching some random half Madonna, half Mariah Carey spawn of Lohan doing totally unoriginal things to totally unoriginal music.

Take your "Born this Way" video for example. Hey, I'm all about artistic expression, but birfing "symbolic-gay-hating-black-skyscraper-things" out of your nether-regions is {frankly} neither here nor there.

As for "Judas"... I just have one question:
Does Madonna like, get a royalty every time you bite/buy into her anti-christian, sacriligious hullabaloo?

Just for the record, your latest attempt at "shock factor" {a.k.a Judas}left me in a state of hysterical laughter. That video is so darn silly! I don't think you could try harder to be edgy and evil if you... um, tried harder!

Please allow me to share with you a secret that is  little known or talked about in the music/movie/art industries, but is rather well-known among the rest of us:
It's not.
Anyone could do it.
It doesn't make you cooler or smarter than everyone else.

In fact, to prove my point, I'm going to write a stupid song {having stolen my beat from Madonna, or Ace of Base}and then shoot a music video where I am drop-kicking kittens into a river and making my nine month old baby flip everyone the bird. I will follow it up by making out with an actor dressed up as Adolf Hitler, and burning crosses on a hillside. That'll show um, EVERYONE!

I will look SO smart, and SO cutting edge, and SO enlightened!

People will think:
"Wow! I just threw up a little in mouth,
and feel like I need to go take a shower,
but MAN that Lola is one brilliantly talented artist!"

And then I will be a millionaire recording artist who can get on any random high horse that she chooses and then I will ride said high horse right into a whole new slew of below average songs, and silly, silly videos. It will be great!

See you at the top.



Kristina P. said...

I don't have morals, but I don't even *like* her new songs. They aren't as catchy to me.

Celeste said...

how i love a good lola rant
that woman is satan's little mistress, and I'm sorry to say it, but I knew it right out the door. She has sold her soul.

Nisa said...

Have I mentioned lately how awesome you are? Well, you're pure awesome. That is all.

Barbaloot said...

Who is this Madonna and this Ace of Base you're discussing? I've never heard of them. I know Gaga is the first original artist to ever exist.

imemary said...

Ha ha! You and Hitler, all the way.

LMS said...

did you see her on Idol, in her black under things and boots, standing on the piano bench playing the piano. Honestly, if this is what entainment has come to, I think I will pass. Boo, lady gaga, I think you are distasteful

Life with Kaishon said...

I came over the other day and read this and thought it was brilliant. I wanted to comment but blogger was acting whack a doodle. I am glad I could finally get back to it : ) You are brilliant.

Lisa said...

I'm with Becky!!! Your Brilliant!!!

I love this blog!!!!! Lady Gaga...I'm not so gaga. LOL!!!!!!

I'm joining this blog too :) This post is so great!!!

Ashley Koz said...

Wow that was some rant! I have to say though I feel the same about her as time has gone on. I was the one defending her too when people would say she was psycho and a bad role model blah blah blah... but she's just gotten gnarlier and gnarlier. Then I went to her concert a couple months ago and I'll never look at her the same. I'll stick to listening to her edited music.

We Four Explorers said...

Ugh! Seriously, because I think she's just ridiculous, I wish she'd just go away. And when she calls her fans "little monsters", I wanna scream. I mean, WTH?!