Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Parenthood is terrifying.

It's official folks...
I've "officially" raised a darling seven year old who wants to be one, or all, of the following when he grows up:

a. Justin Bieber

b. GOB Bluth (a.k.a. A professional magician)

c. A recurring winner on,
OR the next host of
America's Funniest Home Videos.

d. A "surprise" home make over recipient
on the Nate Berkus Show.

Dear Lola,

A word of advice.

Some additional words of advice?
*Tell your kid that the YouTube video of Justin Bieber's music video"Baby" is broken.
*Also, NEVER let him watch the Jersey Shore...it will end badly.
*Also, hide his magic kit and "how to" magic video while he is away at school. Tell him the dogs ate it.
*Leave some medical textbooks lying around. Maybe he'll latch onto those instead. (Hey, a parent can dream, right?)
*Show him pictures of a grown up Screech from "Saved By The Bell." Tell him that this is what the future holds for ALL child stars. All of them. No exceptions.
*Move to Ferron and have him work on a farm. It will make a nice young man of him... he'll forget all about this fruity show business mess.
*Probably just go get in bed and have a good cry. None of these deterrents are actually going to work. It would be really funny if you tried them anyway, though. Let us know how that goes.


P.s. You are a failure. A FAILURE I tell ya!


Chris White said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris White said...

Dear Yourself,

I don't know who you think you are, but if I hear you calling my buddy Lola a failure one more time, Me and my cycling buddies are going to find out where you are and break your arms... seriously... Lola is a fine, upstanding, accomplished woman, who is funny and smart, and she loves her kids with all her heart and only wants the best for them which, in my book, makes here an OUTSTANDING mother... *sigh* Now, you apologize to Lola and then go stick your nose in the corner and think about what you have done.

Suspiciously Yours,


Barbaloot said...

I'm automatically sickened by just the picture of creepy Justin Beiber. I'm gonna go pray for your child.