Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I take it back, it's not going to work.

I like talking way too much. I just do. This reminds me of all those times in school (like, elementary through 12th grade) when someone would make a snide, off-hand comment about how I talked too much, and then I would feel embarrassed, and hurt, and make it a goal to talk as little as possible from that day forward, and I would do really, really well...for about an hour, then I was just a jabberin' away again, and feeling like a talk-y loser later. I just need to express! I just do. It's mild-to-moderately ridiculous. (Ashley STOP laughing at me!;)

I just really felt that I needed to tell you guys that:

1. I went and did a photo shoot of myself and Mr. Kortland James with Justin Hackworth, and he had a box of chocolate chip cookies from the sweet tooth fairy waiting for me there because he found out that my birthday is tomorrow. How old-school polite/thoughtful/fabulous is that? I know, right? I just had to gush for a sec.

2. Oh, and KJ was a total turd at our photo session. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't be...but there it is. I still bought him ice cream afterwards because I felt guilty for dragging him to Provo and then insisting that he "hold still." and "smile" and "be my dang puppet for an hour or so will ya?!"

3. My friend, Tana, fixed some ankle straps on a pair of my mom's Mo Tab shoes lickity split, and it left me reveling in the fact that I have some of the best friends on the planet.

4. My kid still hates school and is still acting up. He finally did GREAT all day yesterday and all day today, but I'm afraid that all that pent up energy had to go somewhere, and he ended up hitting one of his favorite (and nicest) friends on the playground. Wow. I'm just gonna come right out and say it: I feel like a huge failure, and while I take full credit for being an obvious failure in the home, I feel like the public school system is failing me. There are 30 (count em T.H.I.R.T.Y.) kids in Kort's class and the fact is, some kids are just naturally good (and others have clearly been beaten/bribed/prodded into submission). Some kids have lower energy levels, they want to please their teachers, and they are perfectly happy/stimulated/entertained with what their teacher has to offer, but Kort isn't one of them. I feel like I'm sending him to class every day only to have a group of strangers tell him that he is not okay the way he is. It's making me feel pretty guilty. Because, as much as he drives me batty some days, I really do like him just the way he is. (Plus, I get the feeling that his curiosity, high energy, and very social nature will take him really far someday, so why are we (they) trying to squash all those qualities right now?) I'll tell you why, because it's what's most convenient for the teacher, and rightly so...(THIRTY kids, are you kidding me?!) ...but to me, this all means that "good kids" should go to public school and "high energy/mildly-crazy kids" should find an alternative. Sometimes I wonder if I should pull him out and home school him. Oh calm down, I wouldn't let him get weird or anything...he could still play with friends every day after school, and I could maybe (possibly) be the best home school mom ever (at least in my imagination I could be). The kind who takes him on amazing field trips, and conducts enlightening science experiments in her kitchen, and ends up raising a totally suave, socially adjusted billionaire genius! (sounds nice, right?) I don't know. I'm still thinking. This whole situation stinks. Boo.

5. I was trying to take a little kitty nap today, and I couldn't sleep, and my mind wandered off into a daydream about a little girl (MY little girl, named Natalie Monroe, and no, I'm not pregnant) and I started planning a nursery for her in my mind. Her room will be where our office is now. Then, me "thinking about decorating her room," turned into me "planning the re-decoration of our entire house" and I am really, super excited about it. I've decided that I want to re-do it using ONLY donated tile and wood flooring (crazy, I know, but it's so crazy that it just might work.) I thought that if people who actually spent money to tile their floors had 4 or 5 leftover tiles (or 20, 20 would be fine too...or 40...anything in a cream or brown or grey or neutral tone) they could email me, and I could go and pick up the supplies, and I could "mosaic it" into a masterpiece. I think it would be completely awesome. When I told the hubs he threatened to leave me, so....I'm gonna just throw that out to the universe at large...and keep working on him. ...and yes, I do understand that all of paragraph #5 is like, at a "crazy-person alert" level of 6 (7, maybe?). I just wanted to let YOU know that I know how crazy I sound.

6. The other day, I overheard Kort playing a video game in his room. He was yelling at the game characters saying
"What do you think, you're a bunch of babies? Well show your toughness then!"
(...and I swear I do not know where he got that! Kyle does yell that particular phrase at me from time to time, but certainly never when Kort is within earshot...of course not ever then.)

7. I made pink muffins for our Boy Scouts today. I baked them in these newfangled, expensive, supposedly fabulous "Silicone muffin trays" They boast the fact that they are totally "stick free" and you don't have to use any cooking spray. And it's true! You DON'T have to use any cooking spray...well, at least not if you just wanted to rip the tops off and eat them. And who one earth doesn't love them some delicious muffin top every now and then? Those super special silicone trays...and the bottom 3/4ths of my muffins are now resting in the garbage.

That is all.


Chris White said...

Yay! I am the first to get to tell you (once again) that you are not a failure... you are a great mom... you love your kid... and (okay this is corny) you can do it... Kort will be just fine... oh and PINK MUFFINS!? for boy scouts? C'MON!

Barbaloot said...

So glad you're back! You were totally missed:)

SO said...

Have you had a chance to talk with KJ's teacher? One on one? Express your concerns? Do you have any ideas that might help? It is so hard when there are so many kids. Hopefully you and his teacher can brainstorm and come up with some ideas together. You are not a failure!

I hate those silicone pans. They belong at the bottom of the garbage can.

Ashley Koz said...

I wasn't laughing, just smiling. I Love your posts, the blogging world would not be the same without you :)

Laura said...

Oh Laura! You are most definitely not a failure!! If you want to home school Kort, I know a mom who has home schooled all her kids very successfully and I could put you in touch with her. You would not be crazy for doing so(thirty kids is outrageous!)...and Kort would not end up weird because of it! :o) Oh, and I have some tiles left from our house...if you want them...

Love your guts!!

Josh and Emily said...

Oh how it makes my day to hear your random thoughts. Never never never stop talking...ever! Palmer had a rotten first day of school. He wouldn't talk for about 2 hours after which isn't like him at all. I consoled myself when I was feeling like it was my fault in the fact that Kortland had a bad first day and he has an awesome Mom, so there. you are awesome! I hope your birthday was amazing.

Gina said...

Looking for the amazing cupcake place in St. George you were telling me about. where is it?
I HEART this post. You make me laugh until I pee!

Scott and Jillian said...

It's true that different kids do better in different situations. Have you looked into maybe a Charter school? They usually have a different approach to things, encourage parental involvement in the classroom, and have smaller class sizes. But, if you decided to homeschool I bet you would rock at it. My kiddos are in pre-school this year, and I'm trying my hand at it to see how it goes.