Monday, April 6, 2009

Where did I go wrong?

So, as many of you may or may not know, I am gearing up to participate in the Mrs. Utah Pageant on April 25th. I have been trying to find sponsors to help with the entry fees and general expenses, but have kind of gotten too busy working on the Love Swap and Girl's Night Out and forgotten all about it! (oops, that's okay though, my time was better spent building those projects anyway.)

But, two months ago, I sent out some emails asking for sponsorship help, and as a follow up letter for a friend of a friend (who has a huge, enormously successful company) I sent this email (below). He never got back to me. (I hate when they do that, at least give me a no...but don't act like I don't exist...) I wonder where I went wrong? I thought that my offerings were compelling, promising, and pretty much destined to clinch the deal! But alas, no luck. I find myself sponsorless just weeks before the big day. :( Maybe some of you can tell me where I went wrong. Not enough emphasis on my ribbon cutting abilities? Should I have mentioned that I have been attending spin class so as to have killer thighs for the fitness competition? Or that I can back comb my hair into the best, most beautiful-est pageant bouffant this community has ever seen? I just don't know what else I could have offered or said to get him on board.
Help me out here folks, I've still got to find a sponsor (or 20) and need to know what I'm doing wrong! Enlighten me.

Hi Business Owner Who Will Not Be Named,
I haven’t heard back from you yet, so I thought I would follow up with you and maybe give you some additional reasons as to why sponsoring me would be a really good idea. I have thought long and hard about how your sponsorship might serve to benefit the both of us, and here is what I’ve come up with:

Let’s face it, your company is super successful, and now that my good buddy Barack is in the White House, that’s going to mean bigger taxes for you. But, worry not. Your sponsorship is 100% tax deductable as an advertising expense. So, the way I see it, you can either give it to ME (a nice, little housewife/mom from your community who “technically” hasn’t done anything to deserve said funds) OR you can give it to Barack and he can give it to a bunch of strangers who also have not “technically” done anything to deserve said funds. (or maybe he’ll give it to a few hardworking congressmen who need vacation…who knows?) Now, I’m not going to presume to tell you who to pick (me! me!), or what to do with your hard-earned money (sponsor Laura!) because I think that would be downright annoying and you’re probably sick of getting hit up for money all the time. Moving on.

I understand that you are in the process of renovating an amazing new building for your company, and when the grand, celebratory, “move-in” day is finally upon you, you would have your very own ribbon cutting girl (who is not particularly remarkable in any way) there to cut the ribbon on your new building. (I know, SO EXCITING, right?) I will even wear an evening gown and a sash that says “Mrs. Springville” to add a little somethin’ special to the occasion. (You can’t even GET a decent ribbon cutting model to come out for less than $2,500 – so, it’s a total steal if you really think about it.)

3. WEB ADVERTISING. (in the big leagues)
I author 2 internet blogs (on the World Wide Web…you know, the internet?) that are insanely popular, (we’re talking THREE to FOUR hits a day here) and if you decided to be my sponsor, I would be more than happy to put a your company link in my side-column add space. That way your obscure little company (I’m not bagging on him here, I’m kidding. His company is enormous and gets thousands of new accounts daily…just to clarify) could ALSO receive 3-4 hits a day, and who knows, you may even rack up 3 or 4 new clients a day! Just think of the possibilities! (I know, right? But wait, there’s more.)

Two totally huge (okay, reasonably large, kind of a big deal reality T.V. celebrities will be performing at the pageant. Gev and Courtney from last season’s “So You Think You Can Dance?” will be doing several numbers throughout the night and you will be able to tell all of your friends that someone that you sponsored in a pageant stood in close proximity to two totally talented celebrities. (Just think of how your friends will admire and look up to you!)

After you decide to be my sponsor, you can also purchase $300-$500 commercial spots. These commercials will be shown during pre-show and intermission, but Comcast has agreed to film the pageant and offer it “On Demand” so people can watch it any time, and every time they watch it (which will be A LOT because pageants are so super-exciting it’s not even funny…) they will see your advertisement again and again. Just think of all 20 of the pageant-goers who might have given their business to some other company when they totally could have come to YOU? That would be a shame.

And finally…

When I told my friend that I found her neighbor friend via sponsorship/e-mail queries, she thought that was awesome, and I told her to tell me about you (because I needed an angle ;) and she said that you guys have really lots of fun going to Jazz games and also that you were a killer ping pong player. I happen to be a killer ping pong player as well. (No, not really, but I DID win my high school drama class’s “Around the World Ping Pong Championship” my junior year – which is pretty awesome.) So here’s what I propose.
Ping Pong Challenge of the Century. (or the day…)
If I win, you pay my sponsorship fees, and you and your wifey wear “I heart Laura” t-shirts to the pageant to cheer me on.
If YOU win, you feel really bad about creaming me, become my sponsor anyway, and STILL wear “I heart Laura” T-shirts to the pageant to cheer me on, but NOT because you HAVE to… in this particular scenario, you will be doing so because you totally WANT to.

That’s what I call a win/win – wouldn’t you agree?
I know! I’m so excited!
Hope to hear from you soon. Let me know if you have any questions.

YES, I really sent this EXACT letter to him, and NO...he didn't ever answer me. boo.
Seriously, where did I go wrong? (Oh, and if you know anyone who IS looking for a ribbon-cuting model, send them my way will ya?)


Barbaloot said...

First off---GEV and Courtney?! I wanna come to the pageant! To support you...and to see them! I kind of love Gev SO much.

Second---good luck finding sponsers! If I were a company, I'd be there all the way.

Third---LOVED the event on Saturday. My cousins that I went with did too and said you need to make it a Priesthood night tradition. Think about it..

Kristina P. said...

If I were a wealthy business owner, I would totally sponsor you!

Anonymous said...

You didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry you'll get the last laugh when you win the whole damn thing!

Nikki said...

finding sponsors sucks! But I'm sure something will come through for you babe. I wish I could be there to cheer you on :(

Anonymous said...

Well. If I were a business owner and received a letter like that I'd think that it was a joke and would respond either. Sorry, I don't mean to be mean, but it just doesn't sound like a professional request for sponsorship. It sounds kind of ditsy in my opinion. Make it mor business like and professional and you may get somewhere? Good Luck!

the Lola Letters said...

I sent this letter as a follow up letter 4 weeks after I didn't get a reponse to a very professional, formal, stiff, business-like letter requesting sponsorship.

This business owner is also a friend of a friend and I thought he would enjoy a more humorous take on a sponsorship pitch.

It is meant to sound ditsy.

It is not serious in any way shape or form.

It is a joke.

When I asked
"Where did I go wrong?"

I was also joking.

I sort of do that a lot, sorry if that wasn't clear, but thanks for the honest advice.