Tuesday, December 30, 2008

tell all tuesday

Here it is Folks! Your very first installment of Tell All Tuesday. Below are a few selections from my childhood/teenagerhood/annoyinghood journals.

I am posting these for 3 reasons:
1. So that those of you who only know/have known ADULT LAURA can get a little glimpse of who I am, where I came from, and why you should be eternally grateful that you didn’t know me when I was 0-19.

2. So that those of you who DID know me when I was "in my prime" (meaning, wretched, obnoxious pre-teens) might receive a little validation. Those sneaky suspicions that I was the most annoying person to grace the face of the earth were actually dead on! I totally was, and for all I know, might still be the most annoying person you know!
3.For kicks and giggles.

Since I was already a fairly huge fan of (parenthetical statements) in my early years, I’ve decided to put any commentary coming from 28 year old Laura in the following format: * I was an incredibly annoying child. Read on, and you will see what I mean.*

And now, let the literary torture commence!
Meet 14 year old, 9th grader Laura

via her “A Young Woman’s Journal.”

The opening pages have a question/answer section. Here’s how it all went down:
(Age: 14)
Activities: Pep Club, Solo Dance Competitions, cheerleading, reader’s club officer, drama, band drill class, ballet.
Awards: Presidential Academic award, 1st place in solo dance comp., 1st place speech meet for retold stories, some old, freestyle clogging trophies.
Memorable Experiences: Sitting on my mom’s bed and just talking while I massage her feet.
Favorite Subjects and Teachers:
Science- Mrs. Jensen and Mr. Bishop
U.S. History – Mr. Larsen (he’s the greatest teacher I’ve ever had.)
Best Friends: Chantel Taylor. She is the best person I have ever met! She is really funny and you’ll hear a lot about her in this journal. Kacie Larsen too!
I wish BJ was my boyfriend. Well, or Billy, they are both sweet. I’d marry either of ‘em! A boy named Brandon Allen likes me, but I don’t like him back.
Private Heroes: Kacie Larsen. She’s my age and the best example I’ve ever had! I’ve come to realize that Aubry Larsen is an even better example. *ah geez...*
Tennis, baseball, cheerleading, *and yes, cheerleading is a sport, I even had a t-shirt that said so - so stick it!* football. *I loved playing football...seriously, I did.*
Collect miniatures *? ! There's my inner crazy old cat lady rearing her ugly head again!*
Photography (not very much, but I love taking pictures!)
Sing, dance, flute, ballet, cheer, stunts, drama. *I could go on and on and on, but I wouldn't want to make all of you feel bad. ;)*
Favorite Activities: eating, eating, eating, I want to become a good runner.
Favorite Holidays: My favorite holidays are Christmas, Easter, and the Fourth of July
Great Vacations: Vacations to Aspen Grove are so much fun when I see all of the cousins on my mom’s side of the family for 1 whole week.
Best Time Ever: Having an eating contest at U.S.A. cheer camp. I won!
My Life Five Years From Now: Graduated from High School and going to college. Married to B.J. Butler fresh off his mission (that would be 6 years though.) ****No, I didn’t have it all planned out or anything…psycho.***
My Life Ten Years From Now:
Hopefully I will be married to Billy Elder and a I will be a successful, happy, marine biologist with 1 baby. Make that (5) babies. 2 boys and 3 girls. ***Whoa! What happened to B.J. you fickle, fickle little 15 year old?! (Don’t worry B.J., you make a come-back in the Journal section.) And yikes, I guess I should have said 5 first, because the powers that be seem to have stopped reading after I wrote ONE. Curse you, you silly 15 year old and curse your little Journal too!***
My Life Twenty Years From Now: Have five kids and still be married (in the temple.) *of course, but to whom? Billy or B.J .? Which is it going to be? The suspense is killing me!*

April 9, 1995
Dear Journal,
Well, today my mom gave me this journal as a present. They went to St. George for a few days, and brought some presents back. This journal was one of them. I like my school, I go to SRJH, San Rafael Junior High. Our mascot:


I am a cheerleader there right now.

*NO ! You don’t say! The name of your mascot written in gigantic, upper-case letters (complete with enthusiastic, asterisked spacing) would have NEVER even hinted at your crazed, obnoxious, 14 –year-old school spirit.*

I’m 14. I feel that it’s important to keep a journal because a girl named Amber Jenkins died in November and they had her journal and that way, they knew all of her feelings that she never got to express. So, if I die soon, *yep, I was terminally morbid…even then* people will have something to look back on, and remember me by. *That way, they won’t even be sad that I’m gone! They’ll be able to remind themselves (daily) of what a nasty, self-absorbed little turd I was and automatically be able to move on with the rest of their lives!* Well, here is my life story before now. Boring, boring, boring! j/k *That means "just kidding" by the way, and I WAS totally kidding! Everyone knows that a book about me is quite possibly the single-most important document on the face of the planet. Boring? Ha! I just said that for humility’s sake. Amazing girls like myself always try our best not to rub all of that interesting-ness and superiority in average people’s faces.*
My history of dogs are:
*Really? You’re going to begin the narration of your life story up until now with “your history of dogs?" Wow, you really are destined for crazy-cat-ladyship aren't you? ...Carry on.*
Chuck (Cocker spaniel)
Whitney (Cocker/Black Lab)
Sitka (Huskie) *and yes, I know it’s spelled incorrectly, but that’s how I spelled it back in the dzzay.*

Chuck, well, when we moved away from Monroe, we left Chuck with some friends cause the apartments are not allowing dogs or animals. We were going to get him back as soon as we found a house. The people in Monroe wanted to keep him. (by the way, he lost his eye in a fight when I was 9.) So we let them keep him. I was heartbroken. How could they do this to me! They got our next dog, Whitney, to make us feel better. It worked. A year and a half later, Chuck got hit by a car and died. *Yeah, one-eyed-dogs should pretty much stay away from the whole chasing cars thing…that’ s just my opinion though.* I had totally fallen in love with Whitney. We did everything together. Swam in the lake, and sat out on the porch at 1:00 in the morning and bonded! *Kay, ew….so bad I know, and it gets worse. Hope you guys like cheese, cause I’ve got cheese for days. I'm a one woman cheese factory that comes complete with a truckload of hormones and the common sense of a …well, no common sense, really. None at all.* I went to seven peaks water park and when I came home, Whitney was dead. I cried 4-ever. And kept on blaming myself for being gone and not being able to save her. I swore that I never wanted another dog ever again, but then, as the months went by, I longed for a Huskie. *ahhh ha ha ha ha! I LONGED for a Husky. I didn't WANT one, or HOPE for one, I LONGED for one. Of course I did.* Finally, we got Sitka, who is alive and healthy to this very day. I sure hope that we get our pets back in heaven. By the way, we have 3 cats.

Psycho (Nessa’s baby)

In a few weeks, I will be in the speech meet telling RETOLD STORIES!
* Who Put the Pepper in the Pot?
* Up goes Mr. Downs
* The Cat’s Pajamas
Me and my brother Bryan (15) have had our problems in the past, but now that we’re getting older, we get along a lot better. I (heart) cheerleading so much. I have tonz more to say, but that will have to wait until tomorrow

P.S. Bryan is a stud.

My, my, my, how things change in a d.a.y.

April 10, 1995
Dear Journal,
I have no idea why I ever say nice things about Bryan! I guess it’s because he’s so messed up! One minute he’s a really nice brother, and the next, he’s a total jerk! I borrowed his plaid shirt today and he chewed me out, but when he takes my CD player without asking, it’s no big deal! Tonight, during family night he kept on being rude and making fun of me but all my parents do, is laugh because it’s so funny when he hurts my feelings! Then I’m sure that they’ll come in and tell me that I’m being too sensitive and he’s funny. Same old story. Well, it’s not gonna happen this time cause my door is locked and my music is blasting. *Ahh ha ha ha! Okay, I officially can’t believe I’m posting this…but oh well. I’ve decided to be an open book baby! (An open, loud, self-centered, immature, terrifyingly dramatic book)* Today was okay. I found out that a boy named Brandon Allen (Al) likes me. Well, I think that he’s nice, but I don’t want to have a boyfriend right now. (or any time real soon!) *p.s. I have no recollection of this Brandon Allen character – I think he must have been older than me.I think it is also very unfortunate that he decided to "like" me just before I started a journal since I obviously can't shut up about how much he likes me and how it's totally unrequited and all that jazz...* I just found out that we get to go to Park City and stay in a hotel for 2 days & I might even get a new dress for speech meet. I am singing in church with my mom on April 30th and I’m so excited. I want to get these really cool hair extensions for my birthday cause I have thin hair. *Ha ha ha ha! Another one of my infomercial obsessions! I wanted hair extensions so so so bad!* I’ll be sure to write everything about the trip.

P.S. Bryan is a weenie (mood swing)
*Ahhhh ha ha ha ha!*

Now aren’t you (most of you, anyway) happy that you met me AFTER the big 2.0.? Tune in next week for another thrilling/dramatic/spine tingling installment of:
Tell All Tuesday!


Celeste said...

the funny thing about this is that it's pretty much exactly like my journal at that time. except you have lovely handwritting. exactly the kind I tried to replicate and failed. oh, and I always tried to include my current favorite song lyrics. so yeah. for obvious reasons I will not be joining you in the beauty and honesty of "tell all Tuesday." Heaven forbid my blog include the deep, meaningful lyrics to "two princes" by spin doctors. ever.

the Lola Letters said...

Ha ha! Two Princes? Lovely. As for the journals, I know! That's what I figured. Teenage girl journals are so ridiculous. (yeah, ridiculous and AWESOME!)Come on, I think everyone should put an old journal entry up on tell all Tuesday. That would officially make Tuesday my favorite day ever.

Janyece said...

Ha ha! You couldn't pay me to post my journal entries in this lifetime! Then I would have to confess I had a huge crush on your brother! Oops, did I say that out loud? The cat's out of the bag now. *sigh* Speaking of cats, I will confide that when I started my journal, I was around 10 and the first thing I wrote up was a history of my cats! And you thought you were destined to be the crazy cat lady! I may have to post the CATalog (Yeah, I'm still cheesy. I blame my dad.)now just for kicks and giggles.

By the way, I knew you back then and you were anything but annoying! You were always so nice!

Kristina P. said...

Wow, you were sort of a little hussy! I am so happy I have no idea where my journal is. I cringe just thinking about it!

Jen Nelson said...

I. Love. Tuesdays.

This is going to be soooo much fun! Makes me wish I kept a journal... sigh.

Good thing I read this before anyone else was in the office. Hysterical laughing at 8 am, anyone?

the Lola Letters said...

Janyece_ Ahhh! That is so funny! EVERYONE had a crush on my brother at some point, I swear! (Even though he was clearly a total weenie)I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thought that a history of dead house pets was pertinent to the introductory pages of her journal! We should be crazy cat ladies together someday...
Kristina - oh just you wait baby, you have no idea! Look up "hussy" in the dictionary, and you'll find my 3rd grade picture. I had a new boyfriend every couple of days. I like to think it was a good preemptive measure for later. I got all the hussy out of my system by 6th grade and shifted into full on prude-mode for the remainder of my school years.
Jen - I heart you so much. I'll have to find a "Jen Featured" entry for next time! ;) Oh wait, I'm way too excited to publish the "patriotic idiot" debacle, so the Jen and Laura Chronicles (translation: war/soap opera/blood bath) may have to wait another week. ;)

Aubry Macbean said...

So funny. It sure brings back memories. I think everyone had a crush on BJ. I remember that eating contest. Do you remember when we bet Brody and Darren that we could eat more then them at the golden corral. Some days I wish I could still eat that much and not gain weight. Being a teenager did have some advantages. I don't think I should post any of my 5 journal enteries I only ever wrote when I was seriously depressed(my parents should have taken me to a shrink) Can't wait for next Tuesday. Have a Happy New Year

Mrs. Cheeseball said...


I think I am definitely going to laugh a lot on Tuesdays due to you. Your open book made a day of re-connecting with old friends complete.